Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975, UK)

In directors Terry Gilliam and Terry Jones' irreverent popular, and outrageous second Monty Python feature-length film (but the first with original material) - it was a raucous, innovative, anarchic retelling of the Middle Ages legend of King Arthur (Graham Chapman) and his quest; it skewered religion, medieval action epics, mythology, war, religion, film subtitles, the Middle Ages and the Arthurian legend, costume pictures, the witch trials and black plague, the mythical and heroic quest for the Holy Grail in the 10th Century AD, Camelot and a host of other topics.

The silly, chaotic, unconventional, sick joke-filled and zany Monty Python troupe, a close modern equivalent to the Marx Brothers, first appeared in their BBC-TV show from 1969-1974, Monty Python's Flying Circus, composed of a series of unrelated sketches. Afterwards, the group compiled a retelling of the show's first two years of sketches for the big screen in their first feature film - And Now For Something Completely Different (1971).

On a budget of about $410,000, the unusual comedy grossed about $2.8 million (worldwide). Many cult fans of the film can instantly recite many of the memorable scenes, vignettes and set-pieces, such as the "Bring Out Your Dead" scene, or the rude, taunting Frenchman at the castle, the bloodthirsty Killer Rabbit, or the tree-shaped Knights who said "Ni."

• the opening credits of this original cult film slowly gave way to mock Swedish titles, and then drifted into ravings about visiting Sweden to see its virtues (including the country's Moose) before grinding to a halt with the statement:
  • "We apologize for the fault in the subtitles. Those responsible have been sacked."
• the opening credits resumed, but still with odd credits added for everything from "Moose Costumes" to "Moose trained to mix concrete and sign complicated insurance forms," which was followed by another apology:
  • "The directors of the firm hired to continue the credits after the other people had been sacked, wish it to be known that they have just been sacked. The credits have been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute."
• after several false starts, the film opened in the year 932 A.D.; wearing a crown, chain mail, and a tunic, King Arthur (Graham Chapman) was traveling in the foggy countryside, searching for gallant men to join his Knights of the Round Table; he was viewed galloping over a grassy hill - with an imaginary stallion (announced by the clopping sound of approaching hooves on cobblestones!); next to the King was his hunchbacked squire or servant-lackey Patsy (Terry Gilliam) banging two half-coconut shells together to simulate the horses' hooves - an old-fashioned sound effect

King Arthur (Graham Chapman) with Patsy (Terry Gilliam) Simulating Galloping on a Horse

• a ridiculous argument ensued between King Arthur and others about the coconuts that Patsy had in his possession; the King argued that Patsy's coconuts were carried to England (or Mercia) (to the more temperate Northern zone) by an African swallow, not by a European swallow:
  • "It's a simple question of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut...In order to maintain air speed velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings 43 times every second...It could be carried by an African swallow. An African swallow, maybe, but not a European swallow...But then, of course, African swallows are non-migratory. So they couldn't bring a coconut back anyway. Wait a minute. Supposing two swallows carried it together!"
• in an outrageous village scene where the Black Plague had hit hard, corpses were collected (for nine-pence apiece) by the Dead Collector (Eric Idle) on his rounds with a cart through a muddy medieval village; he struck a triangle as he cried out: "Bring Out Your Dead!"; he entered into an argument with a elderly bearded peasant (John Cleese) who had a half-dead body of a decrepit man slung over his shoulder - the man struggled and kept insisting: ("I'm not dead!...I don't want to go on the cart"); after a long series of arguments, the Dead Collector finally gave in, knocked the half-dead man in the head with a stick and killed him
• the Monty Python style of humor was best exemplified by the comically-gruesome encounter between King Arthur with an unbelievably persistent and fearsome Black Knight (John Cleese) who behaved insolently after killing another armored opponent; after not answering to Arthur's invitation to join his court, the Black Knight spoke out: "None shall pass!"; he refused to let Arthur and Patsy cross a bridge over a small gully; the Black Knight persisted and insisted on fighting an epic battle; even after all of his limbs had been hacked off by King Arthur, the Black Knight wouldn't accept defeat:
  • "It's just a flesh wound!...I'm invincible!... The Black Knight always triumphs!...I see. Running away, eh? You yellow bastards! Come back here and take what's coming to you! I'll bite your legs off!"
• remarkably, the Black Knight didn't expire at the end of the scene, even though the Black Knight was reduced to only a head and torso; the duel ended in a tie when the Knight asserted: "All right, we'll call it a draw."

Mutilation of The Black Knight: "All right, we'll call it a draw"

• Arthur also observed a witch trial, in which a suspected witch (Connie Booth) was being prosecuted and questioned and threatened with being burned for no good reason, except for the way she was dressed, and for the testimony of a peasant (John Cleese): (Question: "What makes you think she's a witch?" Answer: "She turned me into a newt!...I got better!"); Sir Bedevere the Wise (Terry Jones) proposed a method to determine if the crone was a witch or not, with factors including buoyancy and flammability; the witch's weight was compared with the weight of a duck, and found to be guilty; the non-sensical argument was made that witches could burn just like wood (or ducks) that also floated in water; therefore, because the suspected witch weighed at least as much as a duck, she was therefore made of wood and hence a witch:
  • "So logically, if she weighs the same as a duck, she's made of wood. And therefore? A witch!"
• continuing on his quest, King Arthur had already recruited Sir Bedevere the Wise, and added others including Sir Lancelot the Brave (John Cleese), Sir Galahad the Pure (Michael Palin) or "The Chaste," Sir Robin the Not-Quite-So-Brave-as-Sir-Lancelot (Eric Idle), and the Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film (a baby (William Palin)), along with their squires and Robin's minstrels
• the group of Knights riding along with King Arthur spotted the castle Camelot in the distance; (Patsy downplayed the sight: "It's only a model!" King Arthur: "Shh!"); several knights performed the loopy, anarchic "Camelot Song (Knights of the Round Table)" about their lives as Knights of the Round Table - inside the castle; the song featured high-kicking, helmeted knights dancing in a chorus line, and tap dancing; after the number was concluded, King Arthur (now back on the outskirts of the castle with his knights) memorably reconsidered and sighed: "Well, on second thought, let's not go to Camelot. It is a silly place"; as he turned away in despair, he saw a miraculous (animated) vision of the Almighty God in the clouds, urging him to go forth and find the Holy Grail
• at a French-controlled castle, a mustached French sentry (John Cleese) taunted the "daffy English knights" and spoke insulting words to King Arthur from the castle wall:
  • "I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
• angered by the taunting Frenchman and other enemy soldiers who falsely claimed that they already had the Grail, the Knights prepared to attack the low-walled castle with swords, until they were repelled by the Frenchmen launching a catapulted cow and other livestock at them; Sir Bedevere instigated a plan to gain entry into the French enemy's castle by sneaking in using a giant wooden Trojan Rabbit, but his plan failed when he absent-mindedly neglected to tell the Knights to hide inside; the Rabbit structure was thrown back at the group of Knights, and crushed one of the servants
• in a surprising scene prefaced by the snapping of a movie clapboard, a modern-day historian named Frank (John Young), who was commenting on the Arthurian legend and the King's progress during the filming of a documentary, suddenly and viciously was slashed to death across the neck with a sword by an un-named horseback-riding knight (the master of the Black Knight?), the main unidentified villain in the film; afterwards, the man's wife (Rita Davies) (from off-camera) rushed to her dead husband's side, crying out: "Frank!"; a police investigation was opened and pursued, and it was theorized that it was possible that the killer Knight (who was not with Arthur) was framing Arthur and his Knights for murder
• after the Knights split up into separate groups, one of Sir Robin's minstrels traveling with him in a forest graphically bragged about his leader's brave penis, they were confronted by a three-headed Giant (Terry Jones, Graham Chapman, and Michael Palin); the three heads of the Giant began to bicker amongst themselves, causing them to become distracted from their goal of fighting against the legendary Robin - who they eventually noticed had already left their presence
• meanwhile on their quest for the Grail, Sir Galahad and his followers entered Castle Anthrax (with a grail-shaped beacon) that they found was populated by young female teens in robes; Galahad was encouraged by one of the leaders, Dingo (Carol Cleveland) to engage in sexual punishments directed at most of the inhabitants of the castle, but he was unwillingly "rescued" from getting involved by his companions; the group of knights left the castle and a trio of frustrated girls (Elspeth Cameron, Mitsuko Forstater, and Sandy Rose)
• in a hut, Arthur and Sir Bedevere asked an elusive, cackling old man (bridgekeeper) (Terry Gilliam) about the location of the Grail, who eventually disappeared after mentioning an Enchanter and a Bridge of Death
• they came upon a helmeted, dreaded towering 12-foot tall Leader Knight (Michael Palin) with deer antlers sticking up from his head, surrounded by his animal-like, tree-shaped followers known as the Knights who say 'Ni' (Sandy Johnson); the intimidating, eccentric lead Knight made strong but strange coercive demands of Arthur, and claimed that his Knights could only be appeased (and allowed passage through) with gifts of two shrubs and the cutting of the largest tree of the forest with a herring: ("One that looks nice... and not too expensive"); later in the tale, Arthur's men bought one shrubbery from Roger the Shrubber (Eric Idle) in a nearby village, but then when they returned, they were allowed entry by frightening their adversaries with their secret dreaded word - "It"
• during a harsh winter and year, the Knights were forced to eat Sir Robin's minstrels due to starvation; after being reunited, the Knights spoke with gray-bearded Tim the Enchanter (John Cleese) with horns on his head, who demonstrated the power to create and command fire (pyrokinesis); as he directed them to the entrance of a cave, where they believed the directions to the Grail might be located written on an interior wall; he spoke of a terrible monster, identified as the guardian beast of the cave - the Fierce Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog (that only looked like a harmless white rabbit): ("It's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it?")
• to gain entry to the cave, the Knights attacked, but the Rabbit viciously fought back, jumped up and beheaded Sir Bors (Terry Gilliam) with a single bite to the neck; Arthur retaliated by ritualistically acquiring the "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" (a sacred relic) provided by the nearby Brother Maynard, to blow up and destroy the Rabbit; they first consulted with the religious order's Book of Arnaments, reading long passages from verses 9-21 about how to deploy the weapon:
  • "And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, 'O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.'"
• after conquering and destroying the Rabbit with an explosive hand grenade, they entered the inside of the cave where they read the Aramaic script by Joseph of Arimathea on the wall that directed them to the Castle Aaaaarrrrrrggghhh (in France) to find the Grail; but then, the Knights were ambushed by a gigantic, ugly green cave monster (animated) mis-named as the "Legendary Black Beast of Aaaaargghh" that devoured Brother Maynard; as the monster pursued the fleeing knights (also animated), they were saved when the beast's Animator (Terry Gilliam) unexpectedly died of a heart attack
• the knights came up to the guarded, decrepit-looking, almost-collapsed, rope-constructed Bridge of Death crossing, where a trollish, creepy soothsayer / bridgekeeper (Terry Gilliam) from earlier asked the travelers five (or three) questions before they were allowed to pass over the Gorge of Eternal Peril; if they answered wrongly or didn't know an answer, they suffered a horrible fate; Lancelot easily passed the test (he answered that his favorite color was blue) and proceeded over the bridge, but Sir Robin failed to answer his trick question: ("What is the capital of Assyria?"), and Sir Galahad also failed (he said his favorite color was also blue although it was actually yellow), and both were magically cast into the deadly Gorge; King Arthur was the 4th to be questioned; he was asked: "What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?"; when Arthur demanded a clarification about whether the swallow was African or European, the bridgekeeper failed to answer his question, and he was magically thrown into the Gorge; the fifth and last knight Sir Bedevere crossed over the Bridge of Death without having to answer any more questions
• in the plot-twisting conclusion, the police had already begun to investigate the strange murder of historian Frank; Arthur and his last remaining knight Sir Bedevere took a monster-headed barge across a lake back to the French-occupied Castle Aarrgh; they were expelled by the same taunting and insolent Frenchman from earlier who catapulted a sheep at them, and then human excrement; Arthur and Bedevere were forced to retreat across the lake, seemingly relinquishing their plan to storm the castle
• on the other side of the lake, however, Arthur was able to assemble (out of thin air) and command 1,000s of foot soldiers who suddenly appeared on a ridge; Arthur ordered his well-equipped troops to charge at the castle; as the military forces surged forward, a modern-day police car, a paddy wagon, and officers of the law pulled into the scene in front of King Arthur's large battle army
• Frank's widowed wife (Rita Davies) exited the car and mistakenly shouted out at King Arthur and Bedevere: "Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure" - the group of insane knights were arrested by the authorities for the murder of her husband - historian Frank; one of the police officers threatened the cameraman, and put his hand over the camera lens: ("All right, sonny, that's enough, just pack that in") - but after the cameraman swore: "Christ!", the film reel broke in the projector and derailed from the gate and the film abruptly ended

Frank's Wife: "Yes, they're the ones, I'm sure"
The Abrupt End of the Film