Classic Comedies:

Funniest Movie
Moments and Scenes


P (continued)
Title Screen
Movie Title/Year and Scene Descriptions

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987)

  • the comedic pairing of two mismatched individuals in many scenes during a busy Thanksgiving travel season and snowstorm: uptight, easily-annoyed Chicago marketing ad executive Neal Page (Steve Martin), and his boorish and undesirable traveling companion - buffoonish, shower curtain ring sales rep Del Griffith (John Candy)
  • their reunion at LaGuardia airport after Neal accused Del of stealing his cab earlier in the day on Park Avenue in NYC; Del asserted: "I know you, don't I? I'm usually very good with names, but I'll be damned if I haven't forgotten yours"; Del made repeated but failed attempts to appease Neal with offers of "a nice hot dog and a beer... just a hot dog then... some coffee... milk...soda... some tea...Life Savers... Slurpee?" - and then Del ended the conversation with his amused realization: "I knew I knew ya!"
  • during their ill-fated flight to Chicago (actually Wichita due to a weather-related flight diversion), Neal was forced to sit in coach next to Del, who claimed he wasn't an annoying talker: ("The last thing I want to be remembered as is an annoying blabber-mouth. Ya know, nothin' grinds my gears worse than some chowderhead who doesn't know when to keep his big trap shut"), but then kept yapping, and took off his smelly socks and shoes ("My dogs are barkin' today")
  • their sharing of a grungy, cramped Wichita hotel room and sleeping in the same bed (and waking up cuddled and snuggling together) with Neal asking Del: ("Where's your other hand?"); Del answered: "Between two pillows" - Neal angrily told Del his "other hand" was not between two pillows: ("Those aren't pillows!"), and they both jumped out of bed freaked out at the thought
  • Neal Page's raging monologue about Del's annoying habit of spouting anecdotes: ("I mean, didn't you notice on the plane when you started talking, eventually I started reading the vomit bag? Didn't that give you some sort of clue, like maybe this guy is not enjoying it? You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You're a miracle! Your stories have none of that. They're not even amusing accidentally! 'Honey, I'd like you to meet Del Griffith, he's got some amusing anecodotes for ya. Oh and here's a gun so you can blow your brains out. You'll thank me for it.' I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days, I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They'd say: 'How can ya stand it?' I'd say, ''Cause I've been with Del Griffith. I can take anything.' You know what they'd say? They'd say, 'I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Whoa.' It's like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn't pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you're telling these little stories? Here's a good idea - have a point. It makes it so much more interesting for the listener!")
  • and then, Del's speech about judging others: ("You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target. Yeah, you're right, I talk too much. I also listen too much. I could be a cold-hearted cynic like you but I don't like to hurt people's feelings. Well, you think what you want about me; I'm not changing. I like - I like me. My wife likes me. My customers like me. 'Cause I'm the real article. What you see is what you get")
Hitching a Ride in a Pick-Up Truck from Wichita, KS with Owen
  • the next morning, their meeting with Owen (Dylan Baker), Del's good friend Gus' (Charles Tyner) tobacco-spitting, redneck son in a broken-down pick-up truck, to drive them to Wichita to catch a train, although they learned that there was no passenger train service there: ("Train don't run out of Wichita, 'lessen you're a hog or cattle. People train runs out of Stubbville"); they rode a train out of Stubbville that broke down in rural Missouri, and then suffered a bus ride to St. Louis together
  • the scene of Neal's fuming, extended, confrontational, ill-fated Marathon rental car sequence at the St. Louis airport terminal with an incompetent rental car clerk-agent (Edie McClurg), after he had found the rental car lot empty, and had to take a long perilous walk back to the terminal: ("You can start by wiping that f---king dumb-ass smile off your rosy f---king cheeks. Then you can give me a f--king automobile") - it was a one-minute scene of the exasperated Page spouting off the "F" word over a dozen times (and ending with the clerk's two-word retort about how he had thrown away his rental agreement: "You're f--ked!")

"Welcome to Marathon. May I help you...How may I help you?"

"You can start by wiping that f--king dumb-ass smile off your rosy f--king cheeks"
  • the two's perilous drive together on the freeway in Del's rented car, driving in the wrong direction (warned by another driver) and barely missing crashing into two tractor-trailers driving in their direction by scraping both sides of their car; Neal imagined Del as a devil figure in the driver's seat
  • and shortly later, Del's discarded cigarette set the car's interior on fire - and then he admitted he had used Neal's credit-card (that had been switched earlier) - meaning that Neal was liable for the damage
  • the scene of the two driving in the burned-out hulk of the car the next morning, and being pulled over by a police officer for speeding at 78 mph - with a melted speedometer, and Del's lame excuse: "Our speedometer's melted and as a result, it's hard to say with any degree of accuracy exactly how fast we were going"; they were also cited for lacking an outside mirror or functioning gauges (although the radio still worked), and the car was impounded for being unsafe
  • after finally arriving in Chicago in the back of a refrigerator truck, the reunion of Del and Neal back at an elevated train station, where Del was found sitting alone and admitted that his wife Marie has been dead for 8 years; Neal invited him to his home for Thanksgiving dinner

LaGuardia Airport Reunion

Cramped Flight to Chicago (actually Wichita)

"Those aren't pillows"

Neal: "Didn't you notice...?"

Del: "I'm an easy target"

Driving in the Wrong Direction

Burning Car

Pulled Over for Speeding With a Melted Speedometer

Play It Again, Sam (1972)

  • during the film's opening credits, Allan Felix (Woody Allen) watched a theatrical screening of Casablanca (1942) with his mouth agape during the famed airport farewell conclusion sequence, and then remarked (in voice-over) as he walked out: "Who am I kidding? I'm not like that. I never was, I never will be. That's strictly the movies"; he was a self-professed, depressed "aspirin junkie" and neurotic individual: ("Next thing, I'll be boiling the cotton at the top of the bottle to get the extra")
  • the flashbacked scene of the breakup of SF film critic Allan with his wife Nancy (Susan Anspach) after two years of marriage because she was an active 'doer' and he was a passive 'watcher', and he was also sexually inadequate for her - ("I can't stand the marriage. I don't find you any fun. I feel you suffocate me. I don't feel any rapport with you and I don't dig you physically. Oh, for God's sake, Allan, don't take it personal") and when she said she'd contact his lawyer, he responded: "I don't have a lawyer. Want to call my doctor?"
  • the cheesy, hard-boiled romantic advice given to recently-divorced, shy, insecure and neurotic loser Allan by the trench-coated ghost of Humphrey Bogart (flawlessly impersonated by Jerry Lacy): ("Tell her your life has changed since you met her"), who counseled Allan about being a desirable and virile man
  • Allan's Bogart-like words to himself, standing in front of a mirror before his blind date with Sharon Lake (Jennifer Salt): ("They say that dames are simple. I never met one who didn't understand a slap in the mouth or a slug from a .45. Come here, Sharon")
  • during a Chinese restaurant double-date with friends Linda (Diane Keaton) and Dick (Tony Roberts), the over-anxious Allan tried to impress Sharon by demonstrating how to shovel rice into his mouth with chopsticks - and then thought to himself: "She likes me...I can read women. She wants me to come on with her. She digs me. She's playing it very cool. I'm gonna come on with her later," but she soon excused herself from the date due to a headache
  • the physical comedy of all of nerdy Allan's disastrous and fumbling blind date scenes and rejections - when he was preparing for the date with Sharon and splashed on too much Canoe lotion and wrestled with his hair dryer, and especially how he failed to impress her by attempting to be "cool" by being pretentious ("I love the rain. It washes memories off the sidewalk of life"), and then ended up swinging his arm wildly - gesturing and sending an Oscar Peterson record out of its album cover to crash against the wall, and as he leaned over a chair, he clumsily tipped it over

Wrestling with Hair Dryer

Nervously Greeting Sharon with a Grunt and a Wave

Swinging Arm with Record Album
  • there was another failed pickup at an art gallery when he asked Museum Girl (Diana Davila) about her interpretation of a Jackson Pollock painting: ("It restates the negativeness of the universe. The hideous lonely emptiness of existence. Nothingness. The predicament of Man forced to live in a barren, Godless eternity like a tiny flame flickering in an immense void with nothing but waste, horror and degradation, forming a useless bleak straitjacket in a black absurd cosmos"), and then when he asked what she was doing on Saturday night, she responded: "Committing suicide" - then undeterred, he asked about Friday night instead!
  • the continuing joke of Allan's friend Dick leaving phone messages about his location (i.e., "This is Mr. Christie, I'm at The Hong Fat Noodle Company...")
  • the scene of a blonde Discotheque Girl (Susanne Zenor) on the dance floor, who rejected him with: "Get lost, worm!"
  • the love scene of Bogart advising Allan to tell Linda: "I have met a lot of dames, but you are really something special" - and then when it worked, Allan cooed happily to Bogart: "She bought it!"; but suddenly, Allan's ex-wife appeared and shot Bogart dead, and Allan was left without anyone to advise him; after he awkwardly tried to further force himself upon Linda on the couch, she stormed out of the apartment and rushed home, as he professed that it was only a "platonic kiss"; he worried to himself after she left: "I attacked her. I'm a vicious jungle beast. She's panicky. By the time she gets home, she'll be hysterical. What am I gonna tell Dick? She'll probably go right to police headquarters. What did I do? I'm not Bogart, I never will be."
  • later, their apres-sex scene when he described how he felt afterwards ("I think the Pepto-Bismol helped"); during love-making, he claimed he thought about baseball: (Linda: "What were you thinking about while we were doing it?" Allan: "Willie Mays...It keeps me going" Linda: "Yeah, I couldn't figure out why you kept yelling Slide!"; although feeling guilty, he told her that they should probably reveal their love affair to her husband Dick: "It could happen and it happened, that's all. It's not your fault. It's not my fault. You felt like a woman last night and I felt like a man. And that's what those kind of people do.... As long as I'm mature about it, you're mature about it, both of us are mature, we can achieve a certain maturation that guarantees maturiosity....The key to wiseness is maturiositude."
Allan with Linda, Dick's Wife, Interrupted by Nancy

Bogart Providing Advice

"She bought it"

Ex-Wife Nancy Appearing with Gun
  • the scene of the over-active imagination of Allan envisioning how badly Dick would receive the news of Allan's affair with his wife Linda, and then retaliate against him: "Dick is an emotional guy. He's liable to - God knows what? Kill himself or something. Kill himself? Do you ever think of what he might do to you? You've heard of the unwritten law. You take a guy's wife, you humiliate him. You've seen enough ltalian movies. And Dick's got a temper"
  • the clever re-enactment and reprise of the airport scene from Casablanca (between Rick and Ilsa) in the film's final moments when Allan gave up his beloved Linda, he was able to spout lines from his favorite film: ("Inside of us, we both know you belong to Dick. You're part of his work. The thing that keeps him going. If that plane leaves the ground and you're not on it with him, you'll regret it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life...It's from Casablanca. I waited my whole life to say it"), and his added Bogart-like excuse to Dick for getting involved with Linda - he claimed he tried to seduce her, but she rebuffed him: "She came over to babysit with me because I was lonely. Isn't that right, Linda? Over the past weeks, I've fallen in love with her. I hoped she felt the same way. I tried everything, but all she could talk about was you."
  • in the film's final moments, Allan bid farewell to Bogart after realizing he didn't need him anymore; Bogart complimented Allan for his newly-acquired "style" and ended the film with a salute and admiring, oft-quoted words: "Here's looking at you, kid"

Opening Credits

Allan's Depression and Neurosis

Allan's Breakup with Wife Nancy (Susan Anspach)

Allan Imagining Receiving Advice From Bogart 'Ghost'

Continuous Coaching from Dick (Tony Roberts) Via Phone

Failed Date with Sharon

Conversation with Museum Girl

Apres-Sex Baseball Thoughts with Linda

Contemplating Telling Dick About Their Affair on a SF Cablecar

Imagining Dick's Reaction to Affair - As in an Italian Movie

Casablanca-like Ending at Airport

Bogart to Allan: "Here's looking at you, kid!"

Police Academy (1984)

  • the introduction of a prospective 'misfit' held in a police station before being given a deal to be recruited into the Police Academy: petty criminal and troublemaker Carey Mahoney (Steve Guttenberg) met Larvell Jones (Michael Winslow) - who introduced himself as "Doctor Monsignor Larvell Jones M.D."; he showed off his talent by making sound-effects with his mouth; he simulated a machine gun sound inside the police station, causing everyone to duck for cover; Mahoney was told how to avoid jail-time: "Police academy or jail....They can throw you out. But you can't quit. If you quit, you're back in jail. And that's the deal"
  • during a lineup of the cadets applying for the Policy Academy, Mahoney challenged himself to be kicked out ("Time to get thrown out") by pretending to intimidate one of the pretty recruits from behind - Karen Thompson (Kim Cattrall): "What's your name, cadet?...You live around here?...What's your telephone number, Thompson? Come on, eyes front. Telephone number....Okay, let's see the thighs"; he was reprimanded by the academy's strict instructor Lt. Thaddeus Harris (G.W. Bailey): "What's your name, dirtbag?...Get back in line, Mahoney!"; Lt. Harris' main goal was to get the incompetent cadets to quit the force

Mahoney to Thompson: "Let's see the thighs"

Lt. Harris: "Get back in line, Mahoney!"
  • the scene of Cmndt. Eric Lassard (George Gaynes) addressing the recruits ("Some of you will be... Here at the academy... Here at the academy...You will learn, you will learn..."), when a dog named Princess began to hump his leg and he quipped: "Princess? Looks more like a prince to me"; Lt. Harris grabbed the dog away from its owner: "He's a queer!"
  • the various pranks played upon Lieutenant Harris by Mahoney, including putting brown shoe polish on the mouthpiece of his megaphone that he used during the cadets' obstacle-course training, and the embarrassing scene of Harris riding a tricked out motorcycle, and being propelled into the back end of a horse (off-screen) in a trailer; Mahoney came upon the scene and yelled out: "Someone call a veterinarian!"; afterwards, although Mahoney promised Lt. Harris he had told no one of the embarrassing incident, all of the cadets were snickering at him, and Larvell made the sound of a horse-neighing
  • the scene of defensive training when busty female blonde Sgt. Debbie Callahan (Leslie Easterbrook) floored one of the recruits and sat on his neck with her thighs, and then asked for the next volunteer: "Who's next?" - and all the other recruits raised their hands
Sgt. Callahan's Defensive Maneuver
"Who's next?"
  • the infamous podium fellatio scene - in which befuddled Cmndt. Lassard delivered a speech to VIP senior dignitaries, while a hooker (appropriately cast porn star Georgina Spelvin) and cadet Carey Mahoney hid inside the podium - during the speech (Lassard: "I think you'll find the presentation interesting as well as very, very stimulating!" - followed by the sound of his zipper being unzipped); Lassard showed facial signs of being pleasured, with contortions, distorted speech, groans and moans: ("Now, this first SLIIIDE shows a very, very interesting thing: our main building. In slide TWO! We see another view of IT! Oh, my God, you wouldn't believe it!")
Podium Fellation Scene
  • when Lassard finished the delivery, he summarized: "Well, I hope this was as much fun for you as it was for me," as he walked away from the podium, Lassard saw Mahoney, not the hooker, emerge from beneath the podium: (Mahoney smiled and delivered the deadpan line: "Good speech")
  • the night before a driving test exam, recruit Cadet Mahoney administered a practice driving lesson-test to giant sized Moses Hightower (Bubba Smith) - late at night, the two stole Cadet Chad Copeland's (Scott Thomson) compact car and ripped out the front seats (to sit in the back), immediately rear-ended another vehicle (Mahoney: "You didn't hit the brake" Hightower: "You didn't tell me to"), and then became involved in a chase with a police cruiser - bringing the car back wrecked, although Hightower's driving skills had improved immensely
  • the concluding rooftop hostage crisis when both Lt. Harris and Mahoney were kidnapped and held at gunpoint by a crazed outlaw; they were saved by the actions of Hightower (who had recently been kicked out of the academy), who appeared in civilian clothes and knocked out the outlaw with a solid punch, and sent him spiraling down a flight of stairs
  • the short sequence when Cmndt. Lassard mistakenly thought two of his graduating cadets were homosexual, when he caught them kissing ("You men stop that!"), but discovered it was Mahoney and Thompson; he then apologized: ("Oh, That's more like it. Good man. Keep up the good work")
  • in the final scene during the cadets' graduation ceremony (when Mahoney and Hightower were both being commended for bravery), it was revealed that Cmndt. Lassard had hired the prostitute to hide under the podium while Mahoney delivered a speech - to seek revenge against him

Larvell Jones and Carey Mahoney

Ducking for Cover in Police Station

Dog-Humping Cmndt. Lassard's Leg

Obstacle Course Training

Shoe-Polish Ring Around the Lieutenant's Mouth

Firing Range Training

Lt. Harris' Tricked-Out Motorcycle Ride into Backend of Horse - Cadets Snickering at Harris

Two Hostages Held on Rooftop by Gun-wielding Outlaw, Who Was Punched by Hightower

Mahoney and Thompson Kissing - Reprimanded by Lassard: "You men stop that!"

Postcards From the Edge (1990)

  • the many funny wry responses by cocaine-addicted film actress/daughter Suzanne Vale (Meryl Streep) - i.e., when told she wanted too much instant gratification, she muttered: "Instant gratification takes too long"
  • Suzanne's dream while having her stomach pumped of walking down a corridor with large photos of celebrities who had died of drug abuse - and Nancy Reagan walking towards her mouthing: "No!"
  • the character of Suzanne's domineering and pushy stage mother - an aging star and heavy drinker named Doris Mann (Shirley MacLaine) and her famous show-stopping version of the Sondheim song "I'm Still Here"at a Christmas party
  • also the tragically funny story of Doris ruining daughter Suzanne's 17th birthday
  • the blue-screen image of Suzanne as a uniformed cop on a movie set, hanging by her fingertips from a building's edge - and when she released her hands, but didn't fall

The Princess Bride (1987)

  • the film's sly parody of the subgenre of fantasy-adventure films
  • the scenes of the Grandfather (Peter Falk) reading to sick and bedridden 10 year old Grandson (Fred Savage) a story (from the S. Morgenstern novel The Princess Bride) of a heroic noble knight (farm boy Westley played by Cary Elwes) saving his beautiful fair-haired princess-lover Buttercup (Robin Wright Penn) from evil fiancee Prince Humperdinck (Chris Sarandon)
  • the storyteller's regaling about the swashbuckling, chatty cliff-top duel between caricatured drunken Spanish master swordsman Inigo Montoya (Mandy Patinkin) and the mysterious masked Man in Black named Dread Pirate Roberts (Cary Elwes - Westley in disguise) - with clever-thinking Inigo's switch of his sword from his left hand to his better right hand: ("I am not left-handed") and the Man in Black's reply: "I'm not left-handed either..."
  • the wine-poisoning "battle-of-wits" death scene in which brilliant Sicilian kidnapper and self-described 'genius' Vizzini (Wallace Shawn) was given a choice between drinking from two wine goblets by black-masked and garbed Westley/Dread Pirate Roberts -- one of which contained an odorless but deadly iocaine powder - in a contest to decide the fate of kidnapped Princess Bride/Buttercup; although Vizzini cleverly switched the goblets, thinking he could fool Westley when his back was turned, it was in vain, however, since the black-garbed man dosed both drinks (he was immune to the killer powder); while Vizzini laughed about his cleverness and explained: "You only think I guessed wrong! That's what's so funny! I switched glasses when your back was turned! Ha ha! You fool! You fell victim to one of the classic blunders!" - he fell over dead in the middle of a boisterous laugh
The "Battle of Wits" Against Vizzini
  • the Grandson's annoyance with the 'kissing' segment of the story: "Aw, no. No, please...They're kissing again. Do we have to hear the kissing part?" - and the Grandfather assured the boy: "Someday, you may not mind so much"
  • the dreaded 'Fire Swamp' (with flame spouts, quicksand, and R.O.U.S.'s - Rodents of Unusual Size); as they navigated through the swamp, Westley explained that the Dread Pirate Roberts had taken him on as his apprentice before bestowing upon him his own name and ship; he then fought and killed an attacking Rodent
  • the irrascible, Jewish couple: exiled, cynical magician 'Miracle Max' (Billy Crystal) and his screeching wife Valerie (Carol Kane), and Max's famous lines: ("Have fun storming the castle!" and "He's only mostly dead!")
  • Inigo's repeated vengeful quote to six-fingered Count Tyrone Rugen (Christopher Guest): ("Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die") before killing him
  • the scene of despairing Buttercup's attempted suicide (after her forced marriage with the Prince) by thrusting a dagger into her chest; he surprised her with the words: "There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours"; she rushed over to the bed and profusely kissed him
  • the film ended with a romantic kiss between Westley and Buttercup, described by the Grandfather - this time without objection by the Grandson: ("They rode to freedom. And as dawn arose, Westley and Buttercup knew they were safe. A wave of love swept over them. And as they reached for each other...Since the invention of the kiss, there have been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left 'em all behind -- THE END")
The Fairy-Tale Ending
Grandfather: "As you wish"
  • the Grandson's bedtime request to have the story read again the next day ("Maybe you could come over and read it again to me tomorrow") - and the Grandfather's reply: "As you wish"

"Do we have to hear the kissing part?"

Private Benjamin (1980)

  • the film's opening statement: "When Judy Benjamin was eight years old, she confessed her life's desire to her best friend. 'All I want,' Judy whispered, 'is a big house...nice clothes, two closets, a live-in maid, and a professional man for a husband.' Today, all of Judy’s dreams come true"
  • the opening sequence - a Jewish wedding between the title character - pampered, sheltered, 28-year old, widowed, naive socialite 'princess' Judith "Judy" Benjamin (Goldie Hawn), and lawyer Yale Goodman (Albert Brooks)
  • the unfortunate circumstance that Judy's new husband died on her wedding night during sex (as he was saying "I'm coming" on the bathroom's tile floor); after the funeral, Judy sat solemnly in a room full of wedding presents, clutching onto one of the gifts - a brand new food processor ("Look what we got!")
  • the exaggerated description of the comforts of military life (including yachts at Fort Ord's Army Base in Monterey, California, condos with private rooms, a glamorous job, possibly in Europe, with paid training, free housing, free food and medical, and a 30-day paid vacation, etc.) - all promised by unscrupulous Army recruiter Sgt. First Class James Ballard (Harry Dean Stanton); everything he claimed convinced the vulnerable Judy to enlist: "The Army is the best-kept secret in the world, Judy....You can forget that old brown boot image of the Army. It's the Army of the 80's, you'd love it, all the ladies do. All 89,000 of 'em. Here, check out this list of jobs. There's over 300 jobs there, and there's only a couple of 'em not offered to the ladies. Trained killers, stuff like that..."; when she asked: "What if I hate it once I get there?", she was falsely told: "Quit! It's a job like anything else"
  • upon her bus' arrival at the Army's Reception Station at Fort Biloxi (Mississippi) for six weeks of boot camp, everyone else was being processed while Judy remained asleep on the bus, where she was reprimanded by harsh drill instructor Sergeant L. C. Ross (Hal Williams) ("Get your ass up and out on the company street!"); she was punished with a series of 10 push-ups and then she asked: "What is this? Hell Week?"; when she was lined up to receive her uniform, she cluelessly asked: "Excuse me, sir, is green the only color these come in?"

Asleep on the Bus

"Is green the only color these come in?"
  • the scene in the barracks of Judy's hysterically-brash comments: "I joined up, but I'm not staying. There's been a mistake. I'll straighten it out when the manager gets here"
  • she made further clueless complaints to her harsh, strict commanding officer Capt. Doreen Lewis (Oscar-nominated Eileen Brennan), a 5-year veteran: ("I think they sent me to the wrong place....See, uh, I did join the Army, but I joined a different Army. I joined the one with the condos and the private rooms... Look, to be truthful with you, I can't sleep in a room with 20 strangers...And I mean look at this place. The Army couldn't afford drapes? I mean, I'll be up at the crack of dawn here! And I have to tell you, I am frankly a little shocked....This place is a sty. (she picked up a pillow) Look, look at these stains. God knows where this has been!")
  • Pvt. Benjamin also commented on the dirty bathroom: ("It's disgusting! There are urinals in there!"), Lewis responded: "That's because this is the Army, Benjamin. It's not a sorority house" -- Pvt. Benjamin was forced to scrub everything with only her electric tooth-brush all night long; and when she finally collapsed early the next morning on her bunk, she was immediately awakened by the Sgt. - she cried out: "Oh God, you can't make me. I worked the night shift! Go check out the bathroom, it's FABULOUS"
  • the joke line delivered when Private Benjamin had enough and attempted to run away, but was caught on the barbed wire fence; Capt. Lewis drove up and told her: "Benjamin, you are not fit to wear that uniform," and the Private agreed very simply: "No S--t!"

Failed Attempt to Run Away

Marching in the Rain

Campfire Sex Stories While Smoking Pot
  • as a result of Pvt. Benjamin's attempt to run away, her entire troop was punished by a forced march in circles in the rain - and she tried to apologize to tough female private Wanda Winter (P.J. Soles): "What do you want from me? I didn't ask her to punish everybody! Do you think I like schlepping in the rain all day and all night?...Oh, okay, I took my life in my own hands, I made a mistake, fine, I'm sorry! I'll never do it again! I wanna wear my sandals. And I wanna go out to lunch. I wanna be NORMAL again!"
  • during mock war game training exercises in a swamp between two teams (Red and Blue), Judy's campfire reflections with her fellow soldiers as they smoked marijuana and talked about their sexual experiences; Judy confessed she had only experienced one mediocre orgasm in her entire life and also told her friends about her newly-wedded husband's death during sex ("My husband had a heart attack and died on our wedding night while we were making love"); during the exercise, they discovered Pvt. Winter having sex with Captain Lewis' lover, Cpt. Wooldridge (Craig T. Nelson) in a tent; Pvt. Benjamin led her Blue team into fooling rival soldiers and single-handedly capturing the entire Red team, and humiliating Capt. Lewis; in retaliation, she became drunk and took it out on the recruits
  • the practical joke revenge against Capt. Lewis that night - Pvt. Benjamin put blue dye in her showerhead nozzle; the next day, Capt. Lewis was forced to wear clown-white makeup during the enlisted soldier parade and graduation from boot camp
  • Pvt. Benjamin's rapid romance with French gynecologist and suave artist Henri Alan Tremont (Armand Assante in his first major film role); after love-making, she told him that she had experienced her first pair of orgasms: "Now I know what I've been faking all these years"; when he asked: "That was your first?," she replied: "And second"
  • the sequence of elite paratrooper training, when Pvt. Benjamin was fearful about jumping with a parachute from an airplane during Thornbird training ("I'm afraid to die!"); she had to rebuff the unwanted sexual advances of post commander Colonel Clay Thornbush (Robert Webber) who approached ominously and forced a kiss: ("You don't have to jump...There are other ways in which you can serve...Well, you want it, Benjamin! You know you do...I can smell fear in any man and passion in any woman!..I'm gonna take you now, Benjamin...Come to papa"); she was forced to jump to escape his grasp

Parachute Jump: "I'm afraid to die"

Unwanted Sexual Assault:

"Well, you want it, Benjamin!"
  • while serving in Europe with Pvt. Benjamin, Capt. Lewis' insult one-liner: "If Patton were alive, he would slap your face!" when she was investigating the Private's association with Henri - who was suspected to be a Communist
Leaving the Wedding Altar
  • over the Army's objections, Pvt. Benjamin decided to marry the chauvinistic French artist Henri; however, she decided at the last minute to abort the ceremony and walk away from the altar; she explained why she was leaving: "Not so fast. Henri, I know this is a very awkward time to do this, but I want to break up"; Henri tried to convince her to stay, and apologetically admitted to an unfaithful one-night stand with his ex-lover Gabrielle (Denise Halma); she called him a "schmuck"; to make matters worse, he belittled her: "When I met you, you were in the Army, for God's sakes. You were nothing, you were picking up strangers in bars!...I'll give you a future, a home, and a name. For once in your life, don't be stupid!"; she punched him, and responded: "Don't call me stupid!"
  • in the final few moments of the film, she marched outside, threw off her veil (that floated away), and walked down a country road in her wedding dress to a new life - it was famous closing shot of her liberation

Jewish Wedding

Honeymoon Sex on the Bathroom Floor

The New Reality - Widowhood Again

Recruitment Sales Pitch

Judy: "I think they sent me to the wrong place...I joined a different Army"

Punishment: Tooth-brush Scrubbing of Bathroom

Yawning During Line-Up

The Discovery of Pvt. Winter Having Sex with an Officer During War Games

Practical Joke on Capt. Lewis

White-Faced Cover-up Makeup

Pvt. Benjamin with Henri Tremont

Pvt. Benjamin's First Pair of Orgasms

Insult: "If Patton were alive, he would slap your face"

The Producers (1968)

  • the high-energy, opening credits sequence of cash-hungry, has-been producer Max Bialystock (Zero Mostel) entertaining and romancing rich, love-starved little old ladies for their money - he seduced "Cash" out of elderly females, with the film's first line: "Don't forget the check-y! Can't produce plays without check-y"; one little old lady responded: "You can count on me, you dirty young man"; he also played ridiculous sex games with a spry Old Lady (85-year-old Estelle Winwood), who came to his door and requested: "Hold me, touch me" (other games were: "The Innocent Little Milkmaid and the Naughty Stable Boy," and "The Countess and the Chauffeur")
Max's Fleecing of Rich Old Ladies
  • the arrival of Max's timid, meek and neurotic accountant Leopold "Leo" Bloom (Gene Wilder), and Max's "rhetorical conversation" about his failed professional life: "You know who I used to be? Max Bialystock! The King of Broadway. Six shows running at once! Lunch at Delmonico’s. Two hundred dollar suits. (Max gestured at his stick pin) You see this? This once held a pearl as big as your eye. Look at me now. Look at me now! I’m wearing a cardboard belt! I used to have thousands of investors begging, pleading, to put their money into a Max Bialystock production. Look at my investors now. Voila! Hundreds of little old ladies stopping off at Max Bialystock's office to grab a last thrill on the way to the cemetery" - he showed off his cabinet filled with dozens of photos of older women admirers
  • then at the window after rubbing it clear with his coffee drink, he spotted a chauffeured white Rolls Royce parking outside Kippys restaurant across the street, and gleefully yelled in admiration and jealousy: "Look at that. A white Rolls Royce. That's it baby, when you got it, flaunt it"
  • after Leo looked at Max's accounting books, and realized he had found a $2,000 difference, Leo became extremely nervous and reached for his little blue security blanket for comfort; when Max grabbed it away, Leo explained his infantile need: "I'm sorry. I don't like people touching my blue blanket....It's a minor compulsion. I can deal with it if I want to. It's just that I've had it ever since I was a baby and, and I find it very comforting"
  • Max's rascally scheme or plan, after an off-handed suggestion by Leo who was musing about using 'creative accounting' techniques: "But under the right circumstances, a producer could make more money with a flop than he could with a hit...You simply raise more money than you really need" - Max made a decision to purposely over-finance a "sure-fire flop" play, and then pocket the remainder of the investors' money after the show closed; he fantasized that they would run away with the stolen money to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
  • to ease Leo's frazzled nerves, Max threw a cup of cold water at Leo, and Leo had a further outburst: "I'm hysterical and I'm wet. (Max slapped him on the face) I'm in pain and I'm wet, and I'm still hysterical"
  • their promenade through Central Park (riding a carousel and renting a row-boat) - with the eruption of Lincoln Center's fountain, as Leo joyously danced and shouted that he would join Max: "I'm a nothing. I spend my life counting other people's money. People I'm smarter than. Better than! I want... I want...I want everything I've ever seen in the movies!...I'll do it! By God, I'll do it!"
  • the hilarious "concierge" sequence: Max and Leo (seeking a Nazi playwright named Franz Liebkind) were confronted by an apartment building's self-proclaimed "Concierge" (Madlyn Cates) who stuck her head out of a ground-floor window and questioned their entrance: "Who do ya want? Nobody gets in the building unless I know who they want. I'm the concierge. My husband used to be the concierge, but he's dead. Now I'm the concierge...Oh, the Kraut! He's on the top floor, Apartment 23...But ya won't find him there. He's up on the roof with his boids. He keeps boids. Dirty, disgusting, filthy, lice-ridden boids. You used to be able to sit out on the stoop like a person. Not anymore! No, sir! Boids! Ya get my drift?...I'm not a madam! I'm a concierge!"
  • Max and Leo's meeting (over schnapps in his apartment) with insane, goose-stepping, deranged ex-Nazi "kraut," WWII helmet-wearing Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars), a playwright who sang German anthems; he was the author of the play Springtime For Hitler - that Max wanted to produce on Broadway; he had only scorn for British prime minister Winston Churchill, but spoke glowingly about his Fuhrer: "Hitler - there was a painter! He could paint an entire apartment in one afternoon! Two Coats! Churchill. He couldn't even say 'Nazi'. He would say 'Noooo-zeeehz, Nooooooooooooo-zeeehz!' It wasn't Noses! It was Nazis! Churchill!...Let me tell you this! And you're hearing this straight from the horse. Hitler was better looking than Churchill. He was a better dresser than Churchill. He had more hair! He told funnier jokes! And he could dance the pants off of Churchill!...Churchill!"
Franz' Defense of Hitler
  • Max's hiring of a "toy" -- a blonde, buxom, hip-swinging, va-va-voom Swedish-speaking, sexpot receptionist-secretary Ulla (Lee Meredith) whose "work" consisted of go-go dancing for Max
  • their recruitment of pompous, flamboyant, cross-dressing (transvestite), gay director Roger De Bris (Christopher Hewett) and his bearded assistant/lover Carmen Ghia (Andreas Voutsinas)
  • the extensive auditions for the chief role of Hitler in their over-financed play Springtime for Hitler with deranged, middle-aged hippie actor Lorenzo St. Du Bois "L.S.D."'s (Dick Shawn) audition featuring the pathetic flower child love song "Love Power"
  • the premiere of the outrageous, outlandish and distasteful musical at the Playhouse Theatre - with the opening, satirical title number Springtime for Hitler, complete with a goose-stepping, black-booted Nazi chorus (a parody of the Busby Berkeley style in a revolving swastika formation shot from overhead) that sang and danced (with the lyrics: "Don't be stupid, be a smarty, Come and join the Nazi party!"), and accompanied with gunshot sounds!
"Springtime for Hitler"
  • the character of Hitler in the play, a role taken by spaced-out, adult flower child LSD
  • the initial joy of Leo and Max (believing that they had produced their "sure-fire flop" on Broadway) when they overheard a female patron exiting the play while exclaiming: "Well, talk about bad taste!", and the slow-panning reaction shots of the horrified audience members gasping at the Broadway musical play
  • their resultant joy was turned to consternation when Leo and Max realized that their flop was actually a big hit when they were toasting the failure in a nearby bar, and heard theatregoers during the intermission proclaiming the play a real success: "Well, so far that's about the funniest thing I've ever seen on Broadway"

Initial Hopes for Their Failed Play

Horrified Audience Reaction

Joy Turned to Consternation
  • after the trio conspired to blow up the theatre to end their production of Springtime For Hitler, they were charged with fraud and appeared in court (filled with weeping old ladies); Leo sat with a bandaged forehead, while Franz was mummified, and Max had his hand in a cast sporting an upraised middle finger
  • the sequence of Leo's court defense: "Max Bialystock is the most selfish man I ever met in my life...Not only is he a liar and a cheat and a scoundrel and a crook, who has taken money from little old ladies, but he's also talked people into doing things, especially me, that they would never in a thousand years have dreamed of doing. But, your Honor, as I understand it, the law was created to protect people from being wronged. Your Honor, whom has Max Bialystock wronged? I mean, whom has he really hurt? Not me. Not me. I was... this man. No one ever called me Leo before. I mean, I know it's not a big legal point, but even in kindergarten, they used to call me Bloom. I never sang a song before. I mean with someone else. I never sang a song with someone else before. This man, this man, this is a wonderful man. He made me what I am today. He did. And what of the dear ladies? What would their lives have been without Max Bialystock? Max Bialystock who made them feel young and attractive and wanted again? That's all that I have to say" (The ladies stood and applauded); Max stood and tacked on his own final words: "And may I humbly add, your Honor, that we've learned our lesson and that we'll never do it again."
Leo's Court Defense of Max and Franz
  • after being proclaimed "incredibly guilty," the trio was sent to the State Penitentiary after being sentenced for 2-5 years - but they hadn't learned their lesson; Leo and Max put on a similarly fraudulent production of Prisoners of Love in prison; Leo was accepting payments for 'shares' of the show from other convicts (and even the warden), while Max was bellowing during dance rehearsal: ("Sing it out, men! Higher, you animals, higher! We open in Leavenworth Saturday night!")
  • the affectionate tribute to Mostel in the end credits, listed only as "Zero"

"Look at me now!"

"That's it, baby, when you got it, flaunt it"

Max's Accountant Leo With His Blue Security Blanket: "You're making me extremely nervous"

Leo's Proposal of a Creative Financial Scheme

Leo: "I'm hysterical and I'm wet"

Promenade Through Central Park and to Lincoln Center

"I'm the Concierge"

Franz Liebkind (Kenneth Mars) On the Roof with His "Boids"

Max's Swedish-Speaking, Secretary Ulla (Lee Meredith)

Assistant/Lover Carmen Ghia

Gay Director Roger DeBris (Christopher Hewett) - "The World's Worst Director"

L.S.D.'s "Love Power" Audition to be Hitler

Hitler in Springtime for Hitler

The Trio's Plot to Blow Up the Theatre

"Prisoners of Love" - in Prison

End Credits Tribute to 'Zero'

Pulp Fiction (1994)

  • the casual conversation between two low-life, black-clad hit men Vincent Vega (Oscar-nominated John Travolta) and Jules Winnfield (Samuel L. Jackson) about the strange names given to Parisian McDonald's menu items such as a Quarter Pounder with cheese ("a Royale with cheese") and a Big Mac ("Le Big Mac")
  • the black comedy of the execution scene, when Jules - with a .45 automatic weapon - threatened a smart preppy named Brett (Frank Whaley); he savagely asked questions of the terrified Brett sitting at the table who couldn't talk his way out of his dilemma about his betrayal of Jules' business-gangster partner Marsellus Wallace (Ving Rhames); Jules Winnfield delivered his oft-repeated Old Testament Bible Ezekiel 25:17 quote before the inevitable execution
  • the absurdist conversation in the early morning in the Toluca Lake home of Jules' friend Jimmie (director Quentin Tarantino) after Jules and Vincent had bloodied the towels in his bathroom while washing their blood-soaked hands; after they had arrived and parked the car in Jimmie's garage, he was dismayed by the bloody car and victim Marvin's corpse; in the kitchen, Jules was deflecting the serious situation by complimenting Jimmie on his coffee: "This some serious gourmet s--t. Me and Vincent would have been satisfied with some freeze-dried Taster's Choice"; whiny and anxious Jimmie didn't want to talk about the quality of the coffee: "It's the dead nigger in my garage"; he petulantly added: "When you came pullin' in here, did you notice the sign on the front of my house that said, 'Dead Nigger Storage'?"; Jimmie feared that if his wife Bonnie (working the graveyard shift at the hospital) found out what they were doing there, he would reluctantly be forced to get a divorce

Greatest Funniest Movie Moments and Scenes
(alphabetical order, by film title)
Intro | A1 | A2 | B1 | B2 | C1 | C2 | D1 | D2 | E | F | G | H-I | J-K-L
M1 | M2 | N-O | P1 | P2 | Q-R | S1 | S2 | T | U-V-W-X-Y-Z

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