Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004)

• co-writer/director Adam McKay's (with his directorial debut) workplace satirical comedy was about the film's title character: San Diego's top-rated late-1970s macho-newsman on male-dominated Channel 4 -- polyester-suited Ron Burgundy (Will Ferrell) with coiffed blow-dryed hair
• the sophomoric, testosterone-fueled, vain and sexist anchor loved to drink scotch ("I love scotch! Scotchy, scotch, scotch"), party, and grab females' rear-ends
• at a pool party, Ron attempted to pick up pretty blonde Veronica Corningstone (Christina Applegate) from North Carolina: "You have an absolutely breathtaking heinie. I mean, that thing is good. I want to be friends with it"; their conversation continued: "Do you know who I am?...I don't know how to put this, but I'm kind of a big deal...People know me... I'm very important. Uh, I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany"
• while parked during a date with Veronica, Ron attempted to impress Veronica with the origin of the name San Diego with a quotable statement: "Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course, in German means a whale's vagina...I'm sorry, I was trying to impress you. I don't know what it means. I'll be honest, I don't think anyone knows what it means anymore. Scholars maintain that the translation was lost hundreds of years ago"
• the colorful, animated depiction of fantasy love-making between Ron and Veronica, with flying cupids, stars, rainbows and unicorns, to the tune of Tom Jones' "Help Yourself" ("Love is like candy on a shelf...") when she asked him to take her to Pleasure Town
• when Ron was asked what love was like, he delivered his rendition of "Afternoon Delight" in his office with his sexist male news colleagues singing harmony: "Gonna find my baby, gonna hold her tight / Gonna grab some afternoon delight / My motto's always been: 'When it's right, it's right' / Why wait until the middle of a cold dark night?..."
• Ron's male-dominated supremacy at the network was threatened when Ed Harke (Fred Willard), the station's news director, suggested having a female co-anchor to promote diversity
• while Ron was driving along, he threw his burrito out his car window and caused the crash of a motorcyclist (Jack Black) on his chopper; in retaliation, the enraged biker cruelly punted Ron's dog Baxter (described as being "like a miniature Buddha, covered in hair") off of a bridge into the water below, and exclaimed: "That's how I roll"; in mourning, Ron delivered a desperate rant in a glass-enclosed phone booth: ("I'm in a glass case of emotion!")

Mourning The Loss of His Pet Dog Baxter: "I'm in a glass case of emotion!"
	The "Blood Fest" In an Empty Lot Amongst Rival San Diego TV Anchors

• a rumble-fight "bloodfest" occurred between many rival groups of San Diego's male TV anchors (cameos) in an alleyway, including:
  • Ron Burgundy and his Channel 4 News team
  • Ron's arch-enemy Wes Mantooth (Vince Vaughn) with a group of bicycle riding newsmen
  • Channel 2 News' Frank Vitchard (Luke Wilson) and his team
  • Public TV News Anchor (Tim Robbins) and his colleagues ("No commercials, no mercy!")
  • Arturo Mendes (Ben Stiller) from the Spanish-Language news group
• Ron taunted Mantooth: "Uh-oh! Here comes trouble!...Let's dance dickweed," followed by lots of taunting big-talk; each one revealed from under their clothes a different weapon, including a switchblade knife, a chain, a hand-grenade, a hammer, a gun, a billyclub, a sword, etc.
• the pampered Ron set the rules: "Now before we do this, let's go over the ground rules. Rule number 1: No touching of the hair or face... AND THAT'S IT! Now, let's do this!"; soon, the fight became ludricrous, with a man on fire, horses, net-draggings, the use of a trident as a projectile, a lopped-off limb, stabbings, fistfights, etc; when it ended, Ron (back in the newsroom) exclaimed: "Boy, that escalated quickly"
• Burgundy traded insults with his rival challenger - ambitious and talented newswoman-reporter and assistant anchor Veronica Corningstone: "You are a smelly pirate hooker"; she retorted back: "You look like a blueberry"; he responded: "Why don't you go back to your home on Whore Island?"

Animal Crackers (1930)

• this early (second) Marx Brothers film - a somewhat stagey, zany, rapid-fire, anarchic hit (with a collection of slapstick and verbal gags) was based upon their Broadway hit play (by Morrie Ryskind and George S. Kaufman). It was the last of their films to be taken from one of their stage successes and the last to be filmed on the East Coast on Astoria sound stages before they transferred to Hollywood
• the comic madness of the Marx Brothers in this early talkies-era film was typical of all their films - an intrusive and silly plot - an excuse for numerous verbal ad-libs and elliptical dislocations, criticism of sophisticated and affected high-society life, expository dialogues and battles (notably between Groucho and Chico), and downright funny sequences
• in the tale, the central event was a party scheduled at the sprawling Long Island estate mansion of wealthy dowager Mrs. Rittenhouse (Margaret Dumont) - for the unveiling of famous and pompous art collector Roscoe W. Chandler's (Louis Sorin) oil painting known as "After the Hunt," created by (fictional) artist Beaugard
• the lavish event was also to honor the return of African big-game hunter-explorer Captain Jeffrey T. Spaulding (Groucho Marx, portraying his most celebrated character) (with "Hooray for Captain Spaulding" - Groucho's familiar theme song); the disreputable Captain arrived for the proceedings on a stretcher borne by four bare-chested natives
• the guests also included two partners: a musician hired to play trombone, Signor Emanuel Ravelli (Chico Marx), and an individual known as "The Professor" (Harpo Marx) who spent much of his time pursuing a blonde
• after his grand entrance welcome with his field secretary Horatio W. Jamison (Zeppo Marx), Spaulding almost immediately was ready to leave: "I came to say, I must be going" and sang the song: "I Must Be Going"; Spaulding danced and was convinced to stay as the guests sang: "Hooray for Captain Spaulding" - Groucho's familiar theme song
• Spaulding and Ravelli engaged in a verbal non-sensical duel of wits about his scale of fees for playing
• during the proceedings, the valuable painting disappeared (and in the madcap film, there were multiple schemes to replace it with phonys or fakes) and the guests were called upon to find it; toward the film's conclusion, all the copies of the painting, original and fakes, were missing or stolen. (The Professor had taken all three of the paintings)
• a classic scene was Spaulding's flirtations and simultaneous proposals of marriage with "interior monologues" (three soliloquys) directed toward the audience (in a parody of Eugene O'Neill's Strange Interlude) - to both Mrs. Rittenhouse and her neighbor Mrs. Whitehead (Margaret Irving)
• other memorable scenes included Spaulding's and Chandler's repeated introductions of themselves (a mockery of introductions in general), and Spaulding's discourse on how the "8-cent nickel" could solve the country's economic problems
• after an hilarious leg-holding scene (a masterful pantomiming performance) was an unbelievable boxing/wrestling match between the Professor and Mrs. Rittenhouse; then card-sharks Ravelli and the Professor challenged Mrs. Rittenhouse and Mrs. Whitehead to a lunatic bridge game
• Captain Spaulding delivered his great lengthy and absurdist monologue about his African exploits, told to a large group of party-goers: ("Friends, I'm going to tell you of that great mysterious wonderful continent known as Africa. Africa is God's country, and He can have it. Well, sir, we left New York drunk and early on the morning of February 2nd. After fifteen days on the water and six on the boat, we finally arrived on the shores of Africa. We at once proceeded three hundred miles into the heart of the jungle, where I shot a polar bear. This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on... this bear was anemic and he couldn't stand the cold climate. He was a rich bear and he could afford to go away in the winter. You take care of your animals and I'll take care of mine. Frozen North, my eye! From the day of our arrival, we led an active life. The first morning saw us up at six, breakfasted, and back in bed at seven - this was our routine for the first three months. We finally got so we were back in bed at six thirty. One morning, I was sitting in front of the cabin, smoking some meat...Yes. There wasn't a cigar store in the neighborhood. As I say, I was sitting in front of the cabin when I bagged six tigers. Six of the biggest tigers... I bagged them. I...I bagged them to go away, but they hung around all afternoon. They were the most persistent tigers I've ever seen. The principal animals inhabiting the African jungle are moose, elks and Knights of Pythias. Of course, you all know what a moose is. That's big game. The first day, I shot two bucks. That was the biggest game we had. As I say, you all know what a moose is? A moose runs around on the floor, and eats cheese, and is chased by the cats. The elks, on the other hand, live up in the hills, and in the spring they come down for their annual convention. It is very interesting to watch them come to the water hole. And you should see them run when they find it is only a water hole. What they're looking for is an al-co-hole (or elk-a-hole). One morning, I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don't know. Then we tried to remove the tusks. The tusks. That's not so easy to say, tusks. You try that some time...As I say, we tried to remove the tusks, but they were embedded in so firmly that we couldn't budge them. Of course, in Alabama, the Tusk-a-loosa. But, uh, that's entirely ir-elephant to what I was talking about. We took some pictures of the native girls, but they weren't developed. But we're going back again in a couple of weeks")
• in another funny sequence (a marvelous lampooning of legal terminology, filled with business correspondence jargon), Spaulding dictated a business letter to his secretary Jamison that was addressed to his lawyers Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga, Hungadunga and McCormack
• with news of the stolen painting, in another confrontational, non-sensical duel, Ravelli and Spaulding discussed the stolen Beaugard and how to locate the thief; they would search everyone in the house for the painting - if it wasn't there, they would then search the house next door, and if there wasn't a house next door, they'd build one
• in the film's ending during a classic surreal bit, when Inspector Hennessey (Edward Metcalf) shook the Professor's hand, silverware began dropping from his coat on to the floor; soon the floor was littered with hundreds of pieces of silverware; to escape arrest, the Professor sprayed everyone with knock-out ether and then knocked himself out next to the pretty blonde he had been chasing throughout the entire film

Annie Hall (1977)

• director/actor Woody Allen's prized semi-autobiographical, Best Picture-winning comedy was a bittersweet, cerebral, stream-of-consciousness, 70s, urban romantic comedy
• in the plot, kvetchy, Jewish, neurotic, pessimistic, Brooklyn stand-up comedian Alvy Singer (Woody Allen), involved in therapy due in part to his death obsession, wistfully recalled and remembered his bygone relationship (now broken-up) with flighty, adorable, ditzy, clumsy and irrepressibly Midwesterner Annie Hall (Diane Keaton) from Wisconsin - an aspiring singer and photographer
• he delivered the film's opening monologue (composed of jokes about his relationships with women and his mid-life crisis) told directly into the camera; he mused about his breakup with Annie Hall (after a year's relationship), before launching into a narrated autobiography about his early childhood
• in a scene of fantasy that began in the movie line at The New Yorker theatre for Ophul's The Sorrow and the Pity (1969), Alvy became frustrated, broke the fourth wall ("What do you do when you get stuck in a movie line with a guy like this behind you? It's just maddening"), and expressed his dissatisfaction with a pretentious, pseudo-intellectual blowhard-critic (Russell Horton) who was pontificating about director Fellini and Samuel Beckett; Alvy pulled out real-life Marshall McLuhan (Himself) from behind a lobby standee to 'tell off' the man - followed by a rebuttal to the camera: ("Boy, if life were only like this")
• there were many realistic scenes of the developing relationship between Annie and Alvy; the first meeting of the two insecure individuals, Annie and Alvy occurred at a tennis club; this was followed by a "mental subtitles" scene that was held on Annie's apartment porch balcony; both of them (during two simultaneous dialogues in subtitles) revealed their real unspoken feelings/thoughts behind their nervous and fumbling chit-chatty words of flirtation

With Ditzy Aspiring Singer Annie Hall (Diane Keaton)
Tennis Club	Balcony of Apartment

• in another zany sequence, Alvy and Annie spontaneously laughed at crawling crustaceans on the kitchen floor as they clumsily prepared a lobster dinner at a beach house in the Hamptons
• during a weekend date, he ended up accompanying Annie to a Saturday nightclub audition for their first date - an awful debut experience as she timidly sang: "It Had To Be You"; walking along on the sidewalk afterwards, suddenly, he stopped and asked her for a kiss so they wouldn't have to be tense all evening: "Hey, listen, listen. Give me a kiss....Yeah, why not? Because we're just gonna go home later, right, and uhm, there's gonna be all that tension, you know. We've never kissed before. And I'll never know when to make the right move or anything. So we'll kiss now and get it over with, and then we'll go eat. Okay? We'll digest our food better." They kissed, and then Alvy perfunctorily stated: "Okay, so now we can digest our food. OK?"
• in the middle of the night, Alvy was called over to Annie's place to struggle against a spider in her bathroom - "the size of a Buick"
• the film used a number of cinematic techniques, including fantasy elements (Annie and Alvy as animated characters, Alvy talking directly to the audience or to his younger self and Jewish relatives, and the split-screen family dinner scene, or split-screen therapeutic sessions about their rates of intercourse)
• there was a funny sight gag of Alvy snorting coke - and sneezing, and blowing about $2,000/ounce worth of cocaine into the room!
• Alvy met Annie's family including her psychotic, suicidal brother Duane (Christopher Walken) and Grammy Hall (Helen Ludlam)
• there were many jokes emphasizing the difference between New York and LA, and Alvy's distaste for California; during Alvy's visit to California, a So. California party guest (Jeff Goldblum) told his guru on the phone: "I forgot my mantra!"
• Alvy's famous quote as he was walking along with Annie: "Hey, don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love"
• Alvy questioned strangers on the street to find the secrets to their happiness for sexual and romantic compatibility

Questioning Strangers on Street About Sex Life

• by film's end about a year after their relationship ended, Annie and Alvy met up in New York for lunch as friends (they were each dating other people) and reminisced about old times; Alvy concluded the film with a flashbacked philosophical ending and chicken joke - he summed up an understanding of how relationships were utterly absurd and that love inevitably faded, although people still craved relationships: "After that, it got pretty late and we both had to go. But it was great seeing Annie again. And I realize what a terrific person she was and how much fun it was just knowing her...And I thought of that old joke. You know, the, this, this guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, 'Doc, uh, my brother's crazy, he thinks he's a chicken,' and uh, the doctor says, 'Well why don't you turn him in?' And the guy says, 'I would, but I need the eggs.' Well, I guess that's pretty much now how I feel about relationships. You know, they're totally irrational and crazy and absurd and - but uh, I guess we keep going through it because most of us need the eggs"

The Apartment (1960)

• director Billy Wilder's Best Picture-winning film - a classic, caustically-witty, satirically cynical, melodramatic comedy, was about unethical, greedy, and corrupt corporate America politics in the year 1959 - and a bitter-sweet romance
• the opening voice-over narration ended with the shot of the interior of the Manhattan insurance company office filled with chattering employees -- and the dissolve showed lowly subordinate worker C. C. "Bud" Baxter (Jack Lemmon), one of "31,259 drones" staying on late by himself at his desk on the 19th floor at the impersonal Consolidated Life of New York insurance company
• a growing relationship was developing between C.C. "Bud" Baxter and the company's pixie-faced, charming, elfin elevator operator Miss Fran Kubelik (Shirley MacLaine)
• one day in the elevator, when he complained about his cold (from sleeping on a Central Park bench overnight), Miss Kubelik commiserated with him: "You should have stayed in bed this morning" - he quipped back: "I should have stayed in bed last night"
• Bud Baxter's dilemma was that he oftentimes was displaced from his own apartment, when he allowed higher-ups, including his four philandering managers and his fast-talking, authoritative married executive Jeff D. Sheldrake (Fred MacMurray) to use his Upper West Side apartment for after-hours romantic trysts-affairs; Sheldrake was womanizing with Fran Kubelik behind Baxter's back
• Bud surprised his concerned neighbor Dr. Dreyfuss (Jack Kruschen), when he was seen carrying out a large wastebasket of used liquor bottles; Bud was admonished and mistaken for a 20th century Don Juan lothario, partier and frequent alcohol imbiber: "The way you're beltin' that stuff, you must have a pair of cast-iron kidneys....As a matter of fact, you must be an iron man all around. From what I hear through the walls, you got somethin' goin' for ya every night...Sometimes, there's a twi-night double-header. (He clucked his tongue) A nebbish like you!...You know, Baxter, I'm doing some research at the Columbia Medical Center and I wonder if you could do us a favor?...When you make out your will, and the way you're going, you should, would you mind leaving your body to the University?... (Shaking his finger) Slow down, kid"
• when Bud rode up in the elevator with Fran to the 27th floor (believing that he was going to be promoted), he exhibited his habit of adding -wise to his words: "And drive carefully. You're carrying precious cargo - I mean manpower-wise...I am in the top ten, efficiency-wise, and this may be the day, promotion-wise"
• in a devastating sequence, Bud discovered Miss Kubelik unconscious and overdosed on sleeping pills in his apartment on Christmas Eve - after the irredeemable Sheldrake had told her that he couldn't commit to her; still morose and recuperating in bed, Fran asked: "Why can't I ever fall in love with somebody nice like you?" Bud replied (with his most famous line) - speaking with shaving cream all over his face: "Yeah, well, that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise"
• in a kitchen scene, Bud sang operatically as he dexterously strained spaghetti over the strings of his tennis racket for an Italian spaghetti dinner: ("You should see my backhand") - it was a special dinner for Miss Kubelik after her suicide attempt; he quipped: ("Me, I used to live like Robinson Crusoe, I mean shipwrecked among eight million people. Then, one day I saw a footprint in the sand, and there you were. It's a wonderful thing, dinner for two...Sometimes I have dinner with Ed Sullivan, sometimes Dinah Shore or Perry Como. The other night, I had dinner with Mae West. Of course, she was much younger then")
• during a New Year's Eve celebratory scene in a Chinese restaurant, Fran learned from Sheldrake that Bud had quit his job rather than lending out his apartment anymore ("He just walked out on me, quit. Threw that big fat job right in my face...that little punk, after all I did for him. Said I couldn't bring anybody to the apartment, especially not Miss Kubelik"); she responded: "I guess that's the way it crumbles, cookie-wise"

Sheldrake's Revelation to Fran that Bud Had Quit

• Fran rushed to Bud's apartment, realizing that he really loved her and had sacrificed his career for her; when she reached the top of the stairs, she heard what she thought was a gun-shot - and was relieved when the door opened and Bud was holding a recently-uncorked bottle of champagne

Curtain-Closing Final Scene - Gunshot and Rummy Game

• the curtain-closing scene was during a friendly gin-rummy card game when Bud professed his love ("I absolutely adore you") to discarded mistress Fran Kubelik; she responded by handing him the pack of cards and bluntly speaking the film's last line - still romantically reticent: "Shut up and deal"

Army of Darkness (1993)

• director Sam Raimi's third installment in the Evil Dead trilogy was an offbeat horror spoof, with many witty wisecracks uttered by stranded-in-time, unbalanced hardware store S-Mart clerk Ash Williams (Bruce Campbell), who was being held captive in 1300 AD
• the opening flashback was of Ash Williams remarking that he once was a clerk at an S-Mart store: "It wasn't always like this. I had a real life once. A job"
• he and his girlfriend Linda (now played by Bridget Fonda) had driven to a remote small cabin in the mountains. He described the backstory: "It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place to translate and study his latest find, Necronomicon Ex-Mortis - 'The Book of the Dead'. Bound in human flesh and inked in blood, this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites, funerary incantations, and demon resurrection passages. It was never meant for the world of the living. The book awoke something dark in the woods. It took Linda. And then it came for me. It got into my hand and it went bad, so I lopped it off at the wrist. But that didn't stop it. It came back. Big time"; he was compelled to chain-saw off his own possessed left hand in a cabin's living room
• then he was propelled or transported in a whirling timewarp (with his 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88) back to medieval times of 1300 AD England, where he was captured and enslaved by Lord Arthur (Marcus Gilbert); he found himself surrounded, captured by medieval armored soldiers

Ash's Chainsaw Arm and Metal Hand: "Groovy"

• due to false allegations, Ash was punished and thrown into a demon-infested death pit of Deadites (where he saved himself with his retrieved chainsaw which locked onto his arm), he battled against the first pit Deadite (Shiva Gordon) and lopped off the Deadite's head; a second threatening Deadite was impaled by a spike-wall
• Ash pulled himself up to the rim of the pit, and then challenged Lord Arthur and anyone else: "Who's next, huh?"; then, he held up his intimidating, miraculous weapon after demonstrating its powers, and rattled off its features: "This is my boomstick! It's a 12-gauge double-barreled Remington. S-Mart's top of the line..." He told his awed audience, after holstering his weapon on his back: "Now, let's talk about how I get back home."
• a Wise Man informed Ash that only the "unholy book," the Necronomicon, had the power to send him back home, but "Only you, the Promised One, can quest for it."
• Ash was confronted with another old hag Pit Bitch Deadite (Billy Bryan) that attacked several guards and screamed: "You shall never obtain the Necronomicon"; Ash first challenged ("Yo, she-bitch, let's go!") and then vanquished it by shooting the monstrous creature over his shoulder with his boomstick; then, the chainsaw-handed hero Ash Williams constructed a mechanical metal hand for himself (to take the place of his lopped-off right hand), and stated to himself: "Groovy"

Deadites - and Ash's "Boomstick"
Pit Deadite # 1 (Shiva Gordon)
Pit Bitch (Billy Bryan)

• Sheila (Embeth Davidtz), the sister of one of Lord Arthur's knights, who had wrongly accused Ash of murder, now sought his forgiveness since he had been proclaimed the Promised One, but Ash was wary: "First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me. Blow"; however, he succumbed to a kiss from her, requesting: "Gimme some sugar, baby"
• the next day, Ash started his search for the Necronomicon in an "unholy place" - a cemetery, but first sought refuge in a windmill, where he crashed into a mirror, and the tiny reflections of himself in shards of shattered glass emerged - he struggled against tiny, mischievous versions of himself in a funny Gulliver's Travels-like segment set; he also fell onto a hotstove when he had to use a spatula to remove his face
• he also fought with his own full-sized doppelganger evil clone (which had sprouted a head from his own shoulder after he swallowed one of the shard pieces) - ending when he shot his evil double and declared: "Good, bad. I'm the guy with the gun"; then he chained the clone to a table and dissected it with his chainsaw before burying the pieces; as he threw the chopped up remains of himself in an open grave, his decapitated head spoke: "You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon. You'll die in the graveyard before you'll get it"
• Ash rode to the cemetery where the Necronomicon was allegedly located, but faced a dilemma regarding three look-alike books - he chose the wrong Necronomicon (Book of the Dead); the erroneous book with a turning, 'black-hole'-like center, vacuumed him into itself until he literally had to pull himself out with an elongated face
• after selecting the third book (the correct one), Ash then recited the wrong magical incantation words told to him by the Wise Man - he forgot the words: "Klaatu, Barada, Nikto" from The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951) and substituted "necktie," "nectar," and "nickel" etc. for the real third 'n' word ("It's definitely an 'N' word"))
• he inadvertently unleashed a skeletal Deadite 'army of the dead' (similar to Ray Harryhausen's stop-motion creatures in Jason and the Argonauts (1963)) that emerged from the ground, led by Ash's repulsive, resurrected, zombie-doppelganger self; Ash grabbed the book and fled back to the castle
• one of the members of the Deadite army, a Winged Deadite (Nadine Grycan), grabbed and kidnapped Sheila and flew her back to the cemetery; Ash's evil, cloned doppelganger zombie self attempted to kiss Sheila - he used the same line Ash had used earlier: "Gimme some sugar, baby" and caused her to become a Deadite (she bragged: "I may be bad, but I feel good"); during a hand-to-hand fight with Deadite Sheila, Ash told her: "Honey, you got real ugly." Ash also engaged in sword-play against his own clone; with victory, Sheila returned to her normal self and hugged Ash
• in the film's conclusion, Sheila kissed Ash farewell before he returned to his own time (after he drank a potion and recited the three words exactly) -- to his job at the S-Mart; he was relating his incredulous tale about his adventures in Medieval England to a bored co-worker (Ted Raimi) and to a sexy red-headed co-worker (Angela Featherstone), when he was forced to defeat one more She-Demon (Patricia Tallman) in the Housewares Department of S-Mart with a Winchester Rifle, when she taunted him: "I'll swallow your soul" and Ash retorted: "Come get some"
• afterwards, an impressed, sexy red-headed co-worker embraced him, as Ash mused in voiceover: "Sure, I could have stayed in the past. I could have even been king. But in my own way, I am king." He then told the girl before he passionately kissed her: "Hail to the king, baby!"

Sexy Co-Worker

"Hail to the King, Baby"

Arsenic and Old Lace (1944)

• director Frank Capra's classic screwball comedy was an hilariously-funny, frantic farce and black comedy (set around Halloween in NYC); it was a frenzied adaptation of the smash Broadway comedy from 1941 to 1944
• mild-mannered NY drama critic Mortimer Brewster's (Cary Grant) two sweet, old loveable spinster aunts: Martha and Abby (Josephine Hull and Jean Adair) living in Brooklyn, NY were revealed to be secretly poisoning old male bachelors with homemade elderberry wine (spiked with arsenic); the crazed ladies were assisted by Mortimer's insane and eccentric younger brother "Teddy Roosevelt" Brewster (John Alexander), their nephew, who was burying the bodies of many poisoned male victims in the cellar (following a Christian funeral and imagining that the cemetery was for yellow fever victims at the Panama Canal)

"Teddy Roosevelt" - "Charge!"

• Teddy regularly charged up the stairs with a bugle in hand, as if fighting the Spanish-American War; Teddy often delivered a yell of "CHAAAARGGGE" and then proceeded up the staircase at every opportunity while blowing his bugle, believing it was San Juan Hill all over again
• hapless nephew Mortimer had just recently married his frustrated new wife Elaine Harper (Priscilla Lane) - the minister's daughter who lived next door, and they were on their way to a honeymoon at Niagara Falls; throughout the film, Mortimer struggled to convince Elaine that he actually loved her, while distracted and dealing with his family's crazy and insane relatives; he also kept putting her off and uncharacteristically acting weird; she became angered by his desire to get rid of her as his new bride (because he couldn't explain to her what he shockingly learned); he feared that a streak of madness ran deep within his family - and that the Brewster residence was an insane asylum
• Mortimer discovered what was going on when he stumbled upon and found a dead body in the window seat - and there were twelve more in the basement. When he opened the window seat-box twice - a great double-take - he suddenly realized that there was a dead body in there; the corpse was the most recent result of his two spinster aunts' latest charity act of poisoning a lonely old gentlemen; a flabbergasted Mortimer did multiple double-takes and eyeball rolls, before realizing a dead body was in there; when Mortimer informed his aunts that Teddy's "killed a man," they first reacted with laughter
• to be responsible, Mortimer thought that only his brother Teddy was responsible, and wanted to get him safely committed, never even suspecting his two aunts; Mr. Witherspoon (Edward Everett Horton), the director of the Happydale Sanitorium rest home was reluctant to accept Teddy, because he already had too many "Roosevelts."
• Mortimer's inquisitiveness forced the two aunts to explain their own "little secret" - they were poisoning unsuspecting old men who sought lodging with their special homemade elderberry wine, as a charity act - to end their loneliness and find ultimate peace
• Mortimer was also confronted by the unexpected arrival of an insane pair: his sinister, long-lost, psychotic serial murderer and homicidal older brother on the lam, Jonathan Brewster (Raymond Massey in the film, Boris Karloff on stage) (resembling Frankenstein); Jonathan was a tall, insane, murderous, cold-blooded, sadistic killer who had a victim's body of his own to dispose of; Jonathan was accompanied by another villainous companion, his alcoholic assistant "Doctor" - Dr. Herman Einstein (Peter Lorre) - a short, demented, round-eye-balled and disreputable plastic surgeon

Jonathan and Dr. Einstein

Jonathan Resembling Boris Karloff's Frankenstein

Dr. Einstein: an Alcoholic Plastic Surgeon

• that evening while Jonathan attempted to haul the body of their murder victim Mr. Spinalzo into the house (and hide him in the window seat), Teddy was also carrying a new "yellow fever victim" Mr. Hoskins from the window seat down to the cellar ("canal") for burial, according to a pre-arranged plan with his aunts; when Elaine unexpectedly arrived searching for Mortimer, they suspected that she was a "dangerous" witness - they threatened her, gagged and half-strangled her, and dragged her into the cellar
• the two criminally-insane 'wanted' men plotted to make Mortimer their 13th victim and they tied him up to torture him first, but everyone was saved by the arrival of Lieutenant Rooney (James Gleason) to take Teddy away to be committed in Happydale, who luckily recognized Jonathan's face and arrested him; the two aunts signed their own commitment papers, while Dr. Einstein was able to escape
• Mortimer was still frantic about the possibility of his own genetic predisposition to mental illness, but was completely relieved when he finally discovered from his two aunts that he wasn't an insane Brewster family member after all (earlier, he had told Elaine that their marriage was problematic: "Insanity runs in my family; it practically gallops") - his mother was the family cook and his father had been a chef on a steamship: "You're not really a Brewster...Your mother came to us as a cook. And you were born about three months afterwards. And she was such a sweet woman and such a good cook. We didn't want to lose her so brother married her. Your real father was a cook too. He was a chef on a tramp steamer."
• the overjoyed Mortimer yelled at his newly-wed wife Elaine from a window about his real heritage: "Elaine, Elaine, Where are you? Can you hear me? I'm not really a Brewster. I'm a son of a sea cook!" [Note: His words were censored from " I'm a bastard!" to "I'm a son of a sea cook!"]
• potentially ruining Mortimer's whole scheme, Elaine made the hysterical discovery in the cellar of bodies, yelling out: "It's true. I guess there are 13 bodies down there!" but Mortimer silenced her
• before their departure for their honeymoon to Niagara Falls, Mortimer exultantly exclaimed to the cab-driver: "I'm the son of a sea-cook"; he charged away with Elaine draped over his shoulder. The astonished cab-driver responded after them with the film's final line: "I'm not a cab driver. I'm a coffee pot."

Arthur (1981)

• director Steve Gordon's romantic comedy, with an Oscar win for its Best Original Song ("Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)"), told about a drunken, idle-rich NY millionaire with a dilemma - his father insisted that he would only acquire his grandmother's inheritance by agreeing on an arranged marriage to a wealthy, upper-class lovestruck heiress
• in the film's introduction, alcoholic, spoiled millionaire playboy womanizer Arthur Bach (Dudley Moore) picked up a hooker named Gloria (Anne De Salvo) on a street-corner; he answered her question about what he did for a living: "I race cars. I play tennis, I fondle women, but I have weekends off and I am my own boss"

Playboyish Alcoholic Womanizer Arthur

Sudden Realization In Restaurant With Hooker Gloria (Anne De Salvo)

Hooker Gloria with Arthur the Next Morning

• Arthur suddenly realized in the ritzy Plaza restaurant, after wining and dining Gloria, why his advances toward Gloria were so successful - "You're a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you"
• the next morning, Arthur's faithful, wise, loyal, sarcastic, reserved and poised butler-valet Hobson (Oscar-winning John Gielgud) found them in bed together (next to a full-sized train set) and was ready with a tray: "I've taken the liberty of anticipating your condition and I've brought you orange juice, coffee and aspirins. Or do you need to throw up?"; he then noted Gloria's silence: "It is thrilling to meet you, Gloria. You obviously have a wonderful economy with words, Gloria. I look forward to your next syllable with great eagerness"
• Arthur announced to Hobson: "I'm gonna take a bath" who responded: "I'll alert the media"; when Arthur added: "Do you want to run my bath for me?" Hobson said: "That's what I live for" - and then quipped: "Perhaps you'd like me to come in there and wash your dick for you, you little s--t?"; Arthur was viewed in a bubble bath sipping a martini, with Hobson at his side, who noted: "Bathing is a lonely business"
• Arthur's extortionist father Stanford Bach (Thomas Barbour) discussed with his son his worries about his son's reputation as a "Millionaire Drunk Playboy"; Arthur would be disowned or "cut off...from the money" if he didn't marry Susan Johnson (Jill Eikenberry) - the daughter of tycoon Burt Johnson (Stephen Elliott) - his father's business acquaintance ("I want it. Burt Johnson wants it"); however, Arthur stoutly refused: "Frankly, Father, I'd rather starve. And I will. I'll get married when I fall in love with somebody"; as he walked out, his father added: "Fine. I respect your integrity. You've just lost $750 million dollars"; Arthur turned back and was forced to accept the deal - with the wedding already scheduled in a month; Arthur conceded: "Congratulations, Father, you win"
• Arthur saved lower-class shoplifter Linda Marolla (Liza Minnelli), after he saw her stealing a necktie in a department store Men's Department, and she was accosted outside the store by Bergdorf Goodman's security guard Chester (Irving Metzman); Arthur covered for her by claiming that they were shopping together, and it was an oversight that he hadn't paid for the necktie; afterwards, Hobson sarcastically joked with Linda: "Thank you for a memorable afternoon. Usually, one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature"

Hobson's Quip Toward Shoplifter Linda (Liza Minnelli)

• over time, Arthur asked Linda for dinner dates and a visit to an arcade, and soon learned that she was an aspiring actress who worked in Queens as a diner waitress; Arthur began to fall in love with Linda
• the drunken Arthur experienced a strained dinner with his lovestruck fiancee Susan Johnson, and failed to convince her to drop their engagement; meanwhile, Linda was encouraged by Hobson to attend the upcoming engagement party if she was serious about him, due to his suspicions that Arthur had feelings for her; she crashed Arthur's engagement party held at his father's estate
• Arthur temporarily postponed his wedding to care for his dying butler in the hospital - with Hobson reassuring him that death wasn't frightening, and his final words: "Arthur, you're a good son" - Hobson had been a genuine replacement for his real father; although Arthur was sober for the last month of Hobson's life, he went on a drinking binge following Hobson's death
• the day of the wedding, the inebriated Arthur visited Linda working at the Queens diner to propose to her - and she accepted; after driving with Linda to the church, Arthur jilted Susan during preparations for the wedding ceremony, causing her angry father Burt Johnson to attempt to stab him with a cheese knife; wounded, Arthur called off the wedding before passing out
• in the empty church where Linda was tending to Arthur's cuts, his wealthy grandmother Martha Bach (Geraldine Fitzgerald) overheard them declaring their love for each other; when she heard Arthur vow to sacrifice his lifestyle for the love of Linda, Martha stepped forward and wouldn't allow him to live a life of poverty - he accepted her offer of $750 million
• as a result, in the finale, Arthur requested his black Rolls-Royce Silver Wraith limousine driver Bitterman (Ted Ross) to open the door for him and Linda before a drive through Central Park: ("Bitterman! Do you want to double your salary?...Then, open that door!") - the last shot was of Arthur's personalized NY State license plate: ARTHUR

Auntie Mame (1958)

• in director Morton DaCosta's and Warner's commercially-successful, Technicolored comedic drama - it was based on Patrick Dennis' 1955 novel of the same name about an eccentric and zesty Bohemian aunt; Best Actress-nominated Rosalind Russell portrayed the title character - a recreation of her successful 1956-1958 Broadway stage role:
• the film opened with the unexpected death of wealthy conservative Chicago businessman Edwin Dennis in mid-September of 1928 in Chicago; he dropped dead in the steam room of the Chicago Brokers Club; it was just one day after he executed his will and testament. It was stipulated that Edwin's sole heir to his estate, his 10 year-old son Patrick Dennis (Jan Handzlik as young boy), would be raised as the ward of Edwin's only living relative -- his elegantly flamboyant, ascerbic, equally-wealthy, wisecracking, free-spirited spinster sister Mame Dennis (Rosalind Russell)
• Mame resided in Manhattan in NYC at 3 Beekman Place. It was the 1920s - a time of flappers, bootleg alcohol, and bohemian lifestyles
• to help protect orphaned Patrick from undue influences, his longtime Irish nanny Norah Muldoon (Connie Gilchrist) accompanied him to New York; they arrived in the midst of one of Mame's lavish parties, serving caviar, some pickled octopus and raw fish tails to the guests
• surprisingly, the well-mannered Patrick got along quite well with Mame, who immediately exposed him to her socialite friends and their quirky behavior at a swanky party she was holding; her unusual acquaintances included Broadway actress Vera Charles' (Coral Browne) heavy drinking, the nudist lifestyle of Acacius Page (Henry Brandon) - the progressive headmaster of Bixby School (an experimental school in Greenwich Village where he bragged: "At my school, we wear nothing. It's heaven!"), and Mame's publisher boyfriend Lindsay Woolsey (Patric Knowles)
• Mame promised Patrick: "Your Auntie Mame will open doors for you. Doors you never even dreamed existed. What times we'll have!"
• Mame offered Patrick and pencil and paper, and asked him to write down any words he heard and didn't understand; his list ultimately included: "Libido, inferiority complex, stinko, blotto, free love, bathtub gin, monkey glands, Karl Marx....narcississistic, Lysistrata, cubism, squiffed, neurotic, heterosexual" - she quipped to him: "My, what an eager mind! You won't need these words for months"

Vera Charles (Coral Browne)	Publisher Lindsay Woolsey (Patric Knowles)
Acacius Page (Henry Brandon)	Mr. Dwight Babcock (Fred Clark)

• the trustee of the will, stuffy Mr. Dwight Babcock (Fred Clark) associated with the conservative Knickerbocker Bank, was instructed to insure that the orphaned nephew of his "crazy" Aunt was protected from any of Mame's many unconventional ideas or eccentric attitudes and friends ("We must spare the boy certain influences from the wrong side of the tracks")
• Babcock stated his preference to enroll Patrick in St. Boniface Academy, an exclusive boys' boarding school in Massachusetts - his own alma mater, away from Mame's daily influence; however Auntie Mame recommended the Bixby School; but after Babcock visited the school, he was flabbergasted: "There they were! A school room full of them! Boys, girls, teachers, romping around stark naked, bare as the day they were born"; he moved Patrick to St. Boniface to restrict contact with Mame only during holidays and during the summer
• other problems arose when the stock market crashed in late 1929 and Mame lost all of her fortune ("Nothing's worth anything anymore"); refusing to marry Lindsay in order to provide her with security, she broke off her relationship with him. Mame realized that she must settle down on her own, earn some money, and try a series of work-jobs as the "only chance to get Patrick back," including a return to the stage in a bit part, and working as a switchboard operator
• during a short time as a Macy's Department store sales clerk before being fired, she met her new future husband - wealthy Southern oil baron Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside (Forrest Tucker) from Georgia. Mame's whirlwind romance and world-tour honeymoon with him tragically ended when he died in 1937 - he fell off a cliff on the Matterhorn (off-screen) while taking pictures of Mame

Beauregard Jackson Pickett Burnside (Forrest Tucker) - Mame's Future Husband

• Patrick (Roger Smith as older), who had grown into adulthood, persuaded Mame to write her autobiography to be published by Lindsay. For some months, Mame dictated her memoirs to her frumpy stenographer-secretary Agnes Gooch (Peggy Cass). Mame was also romanced by her live-in Irish fortune-hunting ghostwriter-editor Brian O'Bannion (Robin Hughes)

Patrick (Roger Smith as older)

Agnes Gooch (Peggy Cass)

Brian O'Bannion (Robin Hughes)

• Mame broke her date to a party with O'Bannion, to sabotage his greedy intentions by diverting his interest toward a transformed Agnes; Mame encouraged Agnes to "Live!" - the message of her book: "You don't get the message of my book. Live, that's the message....Yes! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death. Now, come on, Agnes, live! Come, child. Live!"; the other servants doubted Mame's strategy: "She'll never make a silk purse out of that sow's ear"

Mame to Agnes: "Live, that's the message...Yes! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death."

Agnes - Transformed to Date Mame's Editor/Writer O'Bannion

• after O'Bannion was set up to date the drunken Agnes, their champagne-doused time together resulted in the stenographer's unexpected pregnancy - and "unwed mother" relationship to O'Bannion (later, she remembered that they were married)
• in the meantime, Patrick unexpectedly became engaged to a Babcock-approved girlfriend named Gloria Upson (Joanna Barnes) - a spoiled, shallow, dumb-blonde with boorish, snobby, bourgeois, anti-Semitic parents: Claude and Doris Upson (Willard Waterman and Lee Patrick)
• to learn more about Patrick's fiancee Gloria before a planned September wedding, Mame visited the bourgeois Upsons, who lived in a house known as "Upson Downs" in the Connecticut community of Mountebank near Darien, where she personally witnessed their abhorrent, superficial and anti-Semitic attitudes; she was dismayed by their plans for her nephew Patrick: "You've thought of everything, haven't you? Laid out Patrick's career. Planned the wedding. Even chosen my gift"
• a few weeks before Patrick's wedding to Gloria, Mame invited many of the film's priincipal characters to an "intimate family dinner" party in her apartment, when the release of Mame's autobiography was to be announced and chapters of the "red-hot" galleys were distributed; hostess Mame had specifically designed the party to make the Upsons uncomfortable, and force Patrick to cancel his wedding plans, by serving flaming alcoholic drinks and pickled rattlesnake hors d'oeuvres, and inviting some of her most obnoxious friends; one of the highlights of the evening was Gloria's inappropriate and hilarious monologue about her "ghastly" experience during an aborted ping-pong tournament
• during the awkward night, Gloria insulted Patrick by calling his acquaintances "riff-raff"; Patrick retorted back about her many girlfriends, calling them "a lot of vain, selfish, empty bigots"
• in the course of the climactic evening, Mame also insulted Gloria's parents by having Lindsay declare that her book's royalties would support a home for refugee Jewish children in Mountebank, in the Epstein's property next-door to the Upsons; when the news was blurted out, it was the ultimate straw; Gloria fell backwards onto controls that raised and lowered the living room seats; and Mame cried out: "JACKPOT!"; the family of Upsons left in a huff
• incensed and insulted with what had just happened, Babcock claimed his duty was to protect Patrick from Mame's "idiotic, cockeyed nincompoopery"; she stood up to Babcock before dismissing him for manipulating and controlling her nephew's life: "For 9 years I've tried to open some windows in his life. And now all you want to do is shut him up in some safe deposit box. Well, I won't let you do that to my little one. Oh, no. He's not little anymore"
• Patrick - who had recently become attracted to Mame's new secretary Miss Pegeen Ryan (Pippa Scott), broke off his engagement to Gloria (off-screen)
• years later in the film's epilogue in 1946, 28 year-old Patrick had married Pegeen and they had a son named Michael (Terry Kelman), who was following in Patrick's footsteps under Mame's tutelage; the young boy reminded his parents: "You know what your trouble is, Mom? You don't live, live, live! Life is a banquet and most poor suckers are starving to death"; he urged them to permit him to take an exotic trip to India with Mame before school began in the fall

Epilogue: Auntie Mame with Patrick's and Pegeen's Son Michael, Walking Up Staircase

• as Mame ascended her staircase with young Michael, she offered him the same promise given earlier to Patrick: "I'm going to open doors for you. Doors you never even dreamed existed....Oh, what times we're going to have! What vistas we're going to explore together. We'll spend a day at an ancient Hindu temple. The head monk there is a very good friend of Auntie Mame's. And perhaps he'll let you ring the temple bells that bring the monks to prayer. And there, on the highest tower on a clear day, you can see the Taj Mahal. Beyond that is a beautiful..."

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)

• in this first installment of the PG-rated series of James Bond spy-movie spoofs with Mike Myers - it was a fast-paced comedy filled with gags (both verbal and visual) and numerous catchphrases such as: "Bee-have," "Sake it to me baby!", "Yeah, baby, yeah," "Do I make you horny, baby?" and "Shall we shag now or shall we shag later?":
• in the year 1967, British spy Austin Powers' (Mike Myers) threatening arch-nemesis Dr. Evil (also Myers) (modeled after Blofeld in the James Bond films) gathered together six deadly assassins commissioned in his lair in Nevada to kill "Britain's top secret agent"
• the James Bondian agent - Austin Powers was introduced in London in the swingin' 60s, with his partner 1960s Emma Peel-like Mrs. Kensington (Mimi Rogers); he was able to prevent his own assassination attempt by Dr. Evil during a "swingin' shindig" in a London nightclub - the Electric Psychedelic Pussycat Swinger's Club; after mis-firing a dart into the back of his own assassin, Dr. Evil escaped onto the rooftop and entered a space-rocket (and its "Cryogenic Freezing" chamber), disguised as a giant Bob's Big Boy statue, and warned: "See you in the future, Mr. Powers"
• 30 years later in 1997, NORAD reported that Dr. Evil's Big Boy space rocket had entered the Earth's atmosphere over Nevada; in London, the Ministry of Defence decided to unfreeze Austin from his cryogenic state; [Note: in London in 1967, Powers had volunteered to have himself frozen "in case Dr. Evil should return," so that he could be defrosted to combat him.] The female narrator asked as the agent was brought back to life: "Who is this Austin Powers? The ultimate gentleman spy -- irresistible to women, deadly to his enemies, a legend in his own time"
• the defrosting process was described in stages: "Attention. Stage one: laser cutting begins. Laser cutting complete. Stage two: warm liquid goo phase beginning. Warm liquid goo phase complete. Stage three: reanimation beginning. Reanimation complete. Stage four: cleansing beginning. Cleansing complete. Stage five: evacuation beginning. Evacuation comp..., Evacuation comp... Comp... Comp... Evacuation comp..."; a naked Austin was first seen endlessly evacuating (peeing) behind a frosted screen with a female-voice announcer keeping track of his progress
• Powers was to be acclimated to the 1990s with the help of an associate "top agent" named Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley), Mrs. Kensington's daughter
• during a cataloguing of Austin Powers' possessions and embarrassed by the presence of Vanessa, he denied that a Swedish-made penis enlarger pump was his, although it was found with his credit card receipt, warranty card, and a book he authored about using the pump: ("That's not mine...I don't even know what this is. This sort of thing ain't my bag, baby"); another personal effect included a Burt Bacharach record
• Dr. Evil had set up new headquarters in the desert outside Las Vegas; Evil's main associate was one-eye-patched businessman Number Two (Robert Wagner), who had been running Evil's multi-million dollar empire (known as Virtucon) - "the legitimate face of my evil empire"; the objective of Dr. Evil's empire was to hijack nuclear weapons and hold the world hostage
• Evil maintained a bizarre relationship with his resentful cloned son Scott Evil (Seth Green); he was told by his associate - militant Salvation Army founder Frau Farbissina (Mindy Sterling) - (a parody of Rosa Klebb in From Russia With Love), that his son was artificially-created in a laboratory (with Evil's frozen semen) during his 30 year absence; after first meeting his son, Dr. Evil asked repeatedly: "Can I have a hug?", but also kept shushing Scott: ("Let me tell you a little story about a man named Sh!"); Scott refused a hug and called Evil a "lazy-eyed psycho"

Dr. Evil's Plan To Hold World Hostage

Number Two (Robert Wagner)

Dr. Evil Shushing His Son Scott

• with the warhead, Evil suggested demanding an inflation-challenged ransom of $1 million dollars ("One... MEEE-llion dollars!"), not realizing that this amount of ransom wasn't as threatening in the 1990s as it was in the 1960s; Number Two suggested a larger, inflation-based figure (since Virtucon was already making $9 billion a year): "Don't you think we should ask for more than a million dollars? A million dollars isn't exactly a lot of money these days"; Dr. Evil upwardly revised his ransom to $100 billion dollars!; Dr. Evil's main scheme was to blackmail the UN about his threat of nuclear weapons, but they refused as a general policy to negotiate with terrorists
• working together, Powers jetted off with Vanessa to Las Vegas, Nevada in his "groovy" psychedelically-painted private jumbo jet, while he continually attempted to seduce her; in Vegas, Vanessa and Powers shared a casino hotel room and posed as a married couple; they tracked Number Two to Las Vegas, and met him and his busty "Italian confidential secretary" Alotta Fagina (Fabiana Udenio) at a blackjack table
• in their casino hotel room while phoning her mother, glamorous "shagadelic" Vanessa was advised about Powers: "Women want him, and men want to be him" -- Powers cavorted around naked as his private parts were strategically hidden and covered by various objects - a magnifying glass, a wine bottle, a water pitcher, etc.

Austin Teasingly Hiding his Private Parts

• Powers was instructed to find out what part Evil's Virtucon played in "Project Vulcan" - by visiting Alotta Fagina's penthouse immediately; he learned that Project Vulcan was a scheme to drill deep underground and drive a nuclear warhead into the Earth's core, to trigger volcanic eruptions worldwide
• in one of the funnier scenes, Austin joined Alotta Fagina as she entered her hot-tub and stripped naked: ("Come in, and I'll show you everything you need to know"); as she washed him, she found his business card and discovered his true identity -- Austin Powers -- causing her to further seduce him
• the evil empire, due to a suggestion by Frau Farbissina, conspired to defeat Austin Powers with their "ultimate weapon" - a series of Fembots (introduced with Nancy Sinatra's singing of "These Boots Were Made For Walking"); they were beautiful blonde android replicants, wearing white boots and two piece outfits. They were "the latest word in android replicant technology. Lethal, Efficient, Brutal. No man can resist their charms." They had protruding gunbarrels that emerged from their bikini-covered breasts [the Fembots' brassieres were based on the one worn by Ursula Andress in the cult Italian sci-fi movie The 10th Victim (1965)]. They demonstrated their lethal breast-weapons on emasculated guards.

The Fembots With "Machine Gun" Boobs: (Cheryl Bartel, Cindy Margolis, Donna W. Scott, Barbara Ann Moore, Cynthia Lamontagne)

• Evil delivered an inappropriate Family Counseling speech to his therapy group about his shocking childhood: ("The details of my life are quite inconsequential... very well, where do I begin?...When I was insolent, I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds - pretty standard, really. At the age of twelve, I received my first scribe. At the age of fourteen a Zoroastrian named Vilma ritualistically shaved my testicles. There really is nothing like a shorn scrotum... it's breathtaking - I highly suggest you try it")
• Vanessa (disguised as a cowgirl) and Austin (as a bearded guru) attempted to infiltrate the Virtucon headquarters during a guided tour; after leaving the group and steamrolling over a guard, they were apprehended by Dr. Evil's Korean ex-wrestler and evil henchman, Random Task (Joe Son); inside Dr. Evil's underground lair, they watched as Dr. Evil presented his final ultimatum to the UN regarding his Vulcan subterranean drill that could deliver a 50-kiloton nuclear warhead into the liquid hot core of the planet; left with no other choice, the UN decided to pay the ransom, although Dr. Evil still proceeded with his project
• after Vanessa and Powers escaped, Austin came upon the Fembots who tried to seduce him by wearing purple fuzzy teddy-bear nightgowns - they asked Austin: "Care to have a little fun?" - one of them jumped onto his shoulders, while the others protruded tubes from their breasts ("jumblies," British slang) (he asked: "Is it cold in here?") and sprayed him with a pink-colored gas; Powers found himself lying in bed with the Fembots, who stroked him to tantalize him, as he attempted to think of distracting things: "Baseball, cold showers...Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day..."
• after they challenged him: "You can't resist us, Mr. Powers," he was able to outwit and defeat the seductive android females by performing a sexy strip-tease "Dance of Death" (down to Union Jack red underwear and hairy chest) to the tune of "I Touch Myself," causing them to short-circuit with sexual electricity as their heads twitched violently and then exploded
• accompanied by British forces during a raid of Dr. Evil's headquarters, there was a stand-off between both sides when Number 2 unexpectedly tried to betray Dr. Evil by making a deal with Powers; a trap door activated by Dr. Evil eliminated Number 2; Evil then initiated a 30-second "SELF DESTRUCT" mechanism to blow up the complex, and again escaped in his cryogenic freezing chamber/Big Boy rocketship, while Vanessa and Austin also safely fled in their SWINGER sportscar parked outside
• in the final classic honeymoon scene three months later, Austin Powers and Vanessa were in their hotel room's bedroom suite; as they talked on a videophone to British Intelligence Agent Basil Exposition (Michael York), the two were cleverly shielded by various objects as they moved about naked, before being told that Dr. Evil had escaped in his rocket - although he had disappeared from the tracking system

Hidden Private Parts with Vanessa Kensington (Elizabeth Hurley)

• suddenly, they were attacked by Random Task posing as room service; he was subdued with Powers' penis-enlargement pump, while Vanessa knocked him out with a champagne bottle; on their balcony, the two viewed the night sky, where they spied one "big star" - Dr. Evil's spaceship

Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)

• this was the second film in the Austin Powers franchise-trilogy, preceded by International Man of Mystery (1997) and followed by Goldmember (2002) - see above and below
• in the film's opening, a Star Wars-styled text scrolling recapped the previous film's plot; Austin Powers had been frozen in 1967 and defrosted in the 90s to successfully battle and banish his nemesis Dr. Evil (also Mike Myers); Austin was now free to be able to enjoy honeymoon time with his newlywed wife Vanessa (Elizabeth Hurley), in a continuation from the previous film

Star Wars-Styled Scrolling

Dr. Evil Ejected in Egg-Capsule Toward Earth

Dr. Evil's Appearance on The Jerry Springer Show with His Son Scott

• a NASA spaceflight spotted Dr. Evil's Bob's Big Boy-shaped rocketship in orbit that ejected the super-villain in an egg-shaped cryogenic chamber toward Earth
• in bed with Vanessa in a honeymoon hotel suite, Austin was clued in to the fact that she was an android Fembot (with "machine-gun jubblies") when she responded to the TV remote; she was a "kamikaze bride" on a suicide mission to kill Austin, that ended with her own triggered self-destruction
• In Guam, an operator at the NATO Monitoring Facility watched The Jerry Springer Show, where "not evil enough" son Scott Evil (Seth Green) was reunited with his cryogenically-frozen and thawed father Dr. Evil ("Daddy's back") -- with plans for taking over the world; the show ended with a full-scale brawl
• Dr. Evil's return to Earth was reported by British Intelligence agent Basil Exposition (Michael York) to British spy-agent Austin Powers back in London; Austin was busy during a photo-shoot in his own swinging London Shag Pad with seductive Russian model Ivana Humpalot (Kristen Johnston)
• the villain Dr. Evil had set up his new headquarters in Seattle within the "Starbucks" Needle, where his Number Two agent (Robert Wagner) presented Evil with his perfect clone "except one-eighth your size" - dubbed Mini-Me (Verne Troyer)

Dr. Evil (Mike Myers)	Number Two Agent (Robert Wagner)
Mini-Me (Verne Troyer)	Young Number Two (Rob Lowe)

• Evil announced his new "diabolical scheme" to thwart Austin Powers' "mojo, the libido, the life force, the essence, the right stuff"; a time-traveling device was developed to go back (with Mini-Me) to the year 1969 to steal Powers' "mojo"; once back in the late 1960s, Dr. Evil and Mini-Me met Number Two's younger counterpart (Rob Lowe), and then they proceeded to his new lair - a "hollowed-out volcano" (a Caribbean island with a single, Mount Rushmore-like rock carving of Evil)
• meanwhile back in 1999, Austin Powers was being seduced during a game of chess (in a parody of The Thomas Crown Affair) by Ivana Humpalot who was wearing a black, skintight, semi-see-through body suit; she was revealed to be secretly worked as a hit-woman for Dr. Evil; however, she admitted that he was so sexy that she couldn't carry out Evil's orders to kill him

Sexy Chess Game: Ivana vs. Austin

• on the private volcanic island lair in 1969, Dr. Evil admitted that he had an accomplice within the British Ministry of Defence (MOD) - obese "Scottish Guard" called Fat Bastard (also Myers) - who drilled into Austin's frozen body in a cryo chamber and extracted his mojo with a large hypodermic needle; at the moment of the extraction, Powers in 1999 was having sex with Ivana Humpalot, and suddenly exclaimed that he was impotent: "I've lost my mojo"
• to reclaim his mojo, Austin had to be sent back to 1969 to retrieve (or "recharge") his mojo and defeat Dr. Evil; after arriving in his time-travel device (a psychedelic-painted VW convertible propelled in a parody of Back to the Future), he entered his Swinging 60s London Shag Pad where he found a disco party was in progress; CIA secret agent accomplice Felicity Shagwell (Heather Graham) saved Powers from being assassinated by two of Evil's agents; shortly later, at the MOD Cryo Chamber, Fat Bastard was identified by Austin as the suspected mojo thief

Felicity with Homing Device

To Be Implanted Inside Fat Bastard

• Felicity Shagwell was instructed by Basil to track down Fat Bastard and plant a homing device on him "by any means necessary"; her implantation of the device in his butthole failed, although lab tests of Fat Bastard's stool sample identified the location of Dr. Evil's lair - a Caribbean island
• Dr. Evil announced phase two of his latest plan - to put a giant laser on the Moon (creating a "Death Star") that would threaten to destroy major US cities each hour, unless he was paid a ransom of $100 billion dollars
• Powers and Felicity traveled to Evil's private volcano island in a submarine, where they were briefly apprehended and detained until Felicity briefly exposed her breasts to distract a guard and they escaped
• Dr. Evil and Mini-Me were launched to the Moon in a phallic-shaped rocket from the private volcanic island, to install the giant laser at his Moon Base; as Dr. Evil's rocket moved across the sky, a clever 'phallic wordplay' conversational montage kept cutting back and forth, offering lots of synonyms for male genitals:
  
  - Radar Operator Johnson: Colonel, you'd better take a look at this radar.
  - Colonel: What is it, son?
  - Radar Operator Johnson: I don't know, sir, but it looks like a giant...
  - Jet Pilot: Dick.
  - Co-Pilot Dick: Yeah.
  - Jet Pilot: Take a look out of starboard.
  - Co-Pilot Dick: Oh my God, it looks like a huge...
  - Bird-Watching Woman: Pecker.
  - Bird-Watching Man: (with binoculars) Oooh, Where?
  - Bird-Watching Woman: Wait, that's not a woodpecker. It looks like someone's...
  - Army Sergeant: Privates. We have reports of an unidentified flying object. It has a long, smooth shaft, complete with...
  - Baseball Umpire: Two balls. (looking up from the ball-game and removing his mask) What is that? That looks just like an enormous...
  - Chinese Teacher: Wang. pay attention.
  - Young Wang: I was distracted by that enormous flying...
  - Musician: Willie.
  - Willie Nelson: Yeah?
  - Musician: What's that?
  - Willie: (squinting) Well, it looks like a giant...
  - Colonel: Johnson.
  - Radar Operator Johnson: Yes, sir?
  - Colonel: Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this...
• Felicity and Austin hitched a ride to the Moon in the Apollo 11 capsule, and searched for Dr. Evil; Powers fought against Mini-Me and after subduing him flushed and ejected him ("poor little bugger") into outer space through the Lunar Disposal Unit
• when Austin confronted Dr. Evil to get back his mojo, he was presented with a difficult choice: save the world or Felicity, who was locked in a chamber with poison gas; Powers diverted the laser beam firing and saved the DC Capital, but Felicity died from poisonous gas in a plot twist, however, Austin used Evil's time portal and went back ten minutes in time to again save the world - and Felicity with his double-self
• Dr. Evil activated the Moon Base's self-destruct mechanism and escaped in his phallic-shaped rocket, as he threw the glass vial of Austin's mojo into the air; Powers was unable to catch it and it crashed to the floor; Felicity reassured Austin that he had his "mojo" all along; the two both escaped through the time portal back to the present year of 1999
• in Austin's pad, the obese and unhappy Fat Bastard (disguised as a FBD delivery man) attempted to kill Powers, but Felicity intervened and disarmed him by kicking him in the groin
• in his rocket, Dr. Evil retrieved Mini-Me from spinning in space, as the sexy wordplay montage continued:
  
  - Basil Exposition: Did we get Dr. Evil?
  - Radar Operator Johnson: No, sir. He got away in that rocket that looks like a huge...
  - Sex Ed Teacher: Penis. The male reproductive organ. Also known as tallywhacker, schlong, or...
  - Friendly Dad: Wiener? Any of your kids want another wiener?
  - Friendly Son: (pointing) Dad, what's that?
  - Friendly Dad: I don't know, son, but it's got great big...
  - Peanut Vendor: Nuts! Hot, salty nuts. Who wants some? Lord Almighty!
  - Woman: That looks just like my husband's...
  - Circus Barker: ONE-EYED MONSTER. Step right up and see the One-eyed Monster!
  - Cyclops: RARRR. Hey, what's that? It looks like a big...
  - Fan: Woody. Woody Harrelson. Can I have your autograph?
  - Woody: Sure, no problem. Oh, my Lord! Look at that thing!
  - Fan: It's so big!
  - Woody: I've seen bigger. That's...
  - Dr. Evil: (with a hypodermic needle) Just a little prick.

More Sexy Wordplay About the Phallic-Shaped Rocket

Sex Ed Teacher: "Penis"

• during the end credits, a repeat of the Jerry Springer TV show revealed that Dr. Evil's son Scott was not created in a test tube, but was the love child of Dr. Evil and Frau Farbissina ("You are my love child with Dr. Evil")
• about one month later, Austin returned to his pad, where he found Felicity in bed with the "past Austin" who admitted: "Technically, it's not cheating, baby" (he reasoned that he and Austin were the same person); Austin quickly forgave her: "Well, Felicity, I can't blame you. The man is handsome, baby," and confidently said: "I've got my mojo back." The two Austins were on either side of Felicity ready to make love ("do the bad thing")

Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)

• this was the third chapter of the spy-comedy film series franchise that was a mild spoof of many James Bond films; actor Mike Myers portrayed four roles - the title character Austin Powers, super-villain Dr. Evil, a repulsive gold-obsessed Dutchman known as Goldmember, and obese and vulgar Fat Bastard
• the film opened with a prologue (and ended with a bookending epilogue) - a self-parody of its own film series called Austinpussy - Austin Powers was featured in a bio-pic parody of Octopussy (1983) (directed by Steven Spielberg, and with Tom Cruise as Austin Powers)

Prologue: Tom Cruise as Austin Powers

Austin Powers (Mike Myers)

• after the prologue, Dr. Evil (Mike Myers) was in his lair behind the Hollywood Sign in the year 2002; with the goal of world domination, Dr. Evil's plan was to travel back in time to 1975 and partner with the Dutch, gold-obsessed Johann van der Smut ((inspired by the villain Auric Goldfinger in Goldfinger (1964)); the plan was to use Goldmember's top-secret, cold fusion power unit to cause a powerful 'Preparation-H' tractor beam to pull a solid gold meteor known as Midas 22 into a collision course with Earth; the meteor was designed to melt the polar ice caps and cause massive flooding
• to prevent Dr. Evil's plan, commandos from the British Ministry of Defence (and British secret service agent Austin Powers) abducted Dr. Evil from his lair, imprisoned him in a Maximum Security Facility in Geneva, Switzerland, and sentenced the guilty Dr. Evil to 400 years
• at the same time, Austin Powers' famous spy father Nigel Powers (Michael Caine) was abducted (by yacht crew members with gold-painted genitalia); to apprehend the culprit, Austin received information from Dr. Evil about how Goldmember was behind the kidnapping, in exchange for being given a prison transfer
• Austin traveled back to 1975 and infiltrated Goldmember's roller "Studio 69" Disco (spoofing Studio 54) in NYC but Goldmember escaped by using Dr. Evil's time travel machine to take Nigel back to the year 2002
• while there, Austin reunited with his former lover, undercover FBI agent Foxxy Cleopatra (Beyonce Knowles) (a spoof of blaxploitation female characters, such as Foxy Brown and Cleopatra Jones); Goldmember was pursued immediately through the time-travel portal by Austin and Foxxy in his pink and purple "pimpmobile" time-travel device back to 2002
• Dr. Evil was now incarcerated in a Georgia State Prison, where he and his min-cloned self Mini-Me (Verne Troyer) instigated a riot in their prison and escaped to a new lair in Tokyo; a British Intelligence mole known as Number Three/The Mole (Fred Savage) (with an actual large, protruding hairy mole on his upper lip) informed Austin of Dr. Evil's new whereabouts - a submarine shaped as himself cruising in Tokyo Bay
• Dr. Evil's son Scott (Seth Green) finally presented his father with a present - two sharks in a shark tank with laser beams affixed to their heads: ("frickin' sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their frickin' heads"); overly emotional and impressed by his son ("You're the best evil son an evil Dad could ever ask for"), Dr. Evil displaced Mini-Me from his right-hand position ("Move down the bench")
• Austin with Foxxy traveled to Tokyo in his psychedelic-painted jumbo jet and met with Sumo wrestler Fat Bastard, one of Dr. Evil's henchmen; Fat Bastard informed them that Japanese businessman Mr. Roboto (of Roboto Industries) was designing "some contraption" (the tractor beam) for Dr. Evil; in the factory, Foxxy and Austin discovered that Goldmember was holding Nigel hostage
• their evil plan of world domination was confirmed when Mr. Roboto gave Goldmember a phallic-shaped golden key needed for activation and control
• when confronted by Foxxy and Austin who rescued Nigel, Goldmember escaped with the tractor beam power unit and fled to Dr. Evil's submarine
• Dr. Evil demonstrated how he wasn't bluffing by inserting the golden activation key into the cold fusion port and activating the tractor beam to cause a two-breasted shaped satellite to fall out of orbit; 'phallic' wordplay commenced about the tit-shaped satellite with various breast synonyms:
  
  - Radar Operator Johnson: Sir, Dr. Evil's not bluffing. One of our satellites is falling out of orbit.
  - General Clark: Which one?
  - Radar Operator Johnson: It's the one that looks like a pair of...
  - Busty Female Vendor: Melons! Big juicy melons!
  - Male Shopper: Are they nice and firm?
  - Busty Female Vendor: Well, what do you think?
  - Male Shopper: (pointing) Look at that. It looks like a set of giant...
  - Four Shirtless Fans With Painted Chests Reading T-I-T-S: Hey, A and N you're late. How're we doin? We're back. (cheering) Go Titans! Check it out. Those remind me of...
  - Ozzy Osbourne: (watching the game on TV and pausing the screen) Boobs!
  - Sharon Osbourne: Boobs, Ozzy?
  - Ozzy Osbourne: These filmmakers are just f--king boobs.
  - Kelly Osbourne: What do you mean, Dad?
  - Ozzy Osbourne: Well, they're using the same f--king jokes as they did in the last Austin Powers movie.
  - Sharon Osbourne: What f--king joke?
  - Jack Osbourne: You know, the f--king joke about the long smooth rocket that looks like some guy's...
  - General Clark: Johnson!
  - Radar Operator Johnson: Yes, sir.
  - General Clark: Any sign of that satellite?
  - Radar Operator Johnson: No, sir. It's gone.
• the trio of Foxxy, Austin, and Mini-Me (who had defected and switched sides to join them) stealthily entered the submarine; Austin and Mini-Me went off together to search
• in the sick bay of Dr. Evil's submarine lair, they were disguise in one uniform as a single person (with swinging agent Austin Powers unsteadily perched on Mini-Me's shoulders); a medical officer demanded that they take a physical - requiring a urine sample; they cleverly improvised to provide a urine sample for the doctor (Mini-Me spit out Apple juice through the uniform)

Austin Perched on Mini-Me's Shoulders

Urine Sample Scene

Urine Sample Scene

• during a hilarious, vulgar shadow-play or puppetry scene, Austin was instructed to go behind a screen and remove his clothes; they were silhouetted behind the curtain while casting very funny shadows ("Mini-Me. Our shadows!"); an astonished and incredulous sailor watched their silhouettes (imagining that he saw Austin playing with himself, and then having a stand-up birth of Mini-Me!)
• in a major plot twist, Nigel revealed that Austin and Dr. Evil were brothers! as a result of this revelation, Austin lowered his gun and affirmed: "He ain't heavy. He's my brother, baby, yeah." Although there was an emotional reconciliation and a threesome hug (with Mini-Me joining), Evil's son Scott was incensed that his father had turned good, and threatened to retaliate
• Goldmember appeared and was still resolute to destroy the world; Foxxy threw the golden activation key into the shark tank, although Goldmember reached for a spare from his pants -- "My winkie was a key" he exclaimed; Foxxy misdirected his gunfire, as Dr. Evil attempted to reverse the polarity in the cold fusion control box; as the beam was projected, it reversed itself and lethally electrocuted Goldmember and exploded the meteor
• the film concluded with an epilogue - Austin and Dr. Evil and other cast members were watching the premiere of Austinpussy in a Hollywood theatre, while back in Dr. Evil's Hollywood lair, a black-garbed and bald Scott danced around and vengefully vowed: "I'm gonna get you, Austin Powers."

The Awful Truth (1937)

• director Leo McCarey's classic and zany screwball comedy of the 1930s, filmed previously in 1925 and 1929, and remade as the musical Let's Do It Again (1953), was a romantic marital farce based on Arthur Richman's 1922 play; it featured the first on-screen pairing of Irene Dunne and Cary Grant
• one of the earliest scenes was of the divorce proceedings of a distrusting married couple in a courtroom (following an argument and a series of false accusations and suspicions): socialite Lucy (Irene Dunne) and Jerry Warriner (Cary Grant) agreed to a 90-day interlocutory divorce (with a waiting period) - but needed to settle one final matter: a custody battle over their fox-terrier dog Mr. Smith or "Smitty" (Asta of the Thin Man series) who was present in the court.
• the "final decision" was left up to the dog who was placed equi-distant from them and caught in a dilemma - with calls and pathetic entreaties from both sides for the dog's affection, Mr. Smith swiveled his head back and forth between his two owners, and eventually jumped in Lucy's lap when tempted by its favorite squeeze toy (a Chihuahua's head)
• with rapid-fire, witty and sophisticated dialogue (and much sarcasm), they each tried their best to thwart or sabotage each other's romances and marriage plans with others, since they both had visiting rights; Lucy was determined to spite Jerry although she wasn't that enthusiastic about her various suitors (Lucy: "Well, I'm convinced he must care about me or he wouldn't do the funny things he does"), while Jerry felt that her romances with new people were not worthy of her; at the same time, Jerry made engagement arrangements to cause Lucy to attempt to win him back
• in one instance, a tickling scene, Jerry hid behind Lucy's apartment door as she greeted neighbor-suitor, rich but naive Oklahoma native Daniel Leeson (Ralph Bellamy) who read her a sugary love poem he had written: ("Oh, you would make my life divine If you would change your name to mine") - while Jerry tickled her in the side with a pencil as she listened and tried to maintain her composure; he caused Lucy to laugh inappropriately: "I do laugh at the oddest times"
• in a disruptive scene, Jerry barged in on Lucy's first vocal recital and accidentally tipped back in his chair and noisily fell to the floor
• the two experienced awkward nightclub dates when the couples accidentally turned up with separate dates: Lucy with Dan, and Jerry with singer Dixie Belle Lee (Joyce Compton), and Lucy was forced to awkwardly dance with Dan; Jerry insulted Dan's homely ways: "And if you get bored in Oklahoma City, you can always go over to Tulsa for the weekend!"
• in a sequence often known as the "two men in a bedroom farce" (regarding dual derby hats and their clever dog "Smitty") - both Lucy's French singing voice teacher and handsome love interest Armand Duvalle (Alexander D'Arcy) and Jerry arrived at her apartment, but were kept separated; the dog - in a game of hide and seek, persistently kept retrieving and bringing out Duvalle's incriminating derby hat from behind a flower arrangement and a mirror where Lucy had stashed it; Lucy struggled to conceal its whereabouts behind the couch; as Jerry was leaving, he put on what he thought was his derby hat - but the over-sized hat descended down over his ears; quizzically, he looked at himself in another mirror: "Well that's funny, I only bought the hat an hour ago and look at it"; she suggested: "Did you have a haircut, maybe?...Well, maybe you had it on backwards. Put it on the other way around... it is a little roomy, but maybe they're wearing them that way this year"
• in another scene and attempt at sabotage at the home of his stuffy in-laws and new fiancee, heiress and debutante Barbara Vance (Molly Lamont), Lucy party-crashed and pretended to be Jerry's heavy-drinking, flamboyant and vulgar Southern sister "Lola" when she appeared at his new fiancee's house - and delivered a rowdy rendition (with uplifted skirt) of a vulgar nightclub routine and song, My Dreams Are Gone With the Wind in order to ruin Jerry's relationship
• when stranded after an automobile 'accident' on their way to her Aunt Patsy's (Cecil Cunningham) cabin, the couple had to be transported on cops' motorcycles in evening dress

Couple on Cops' Motorcycles

Connecting Bedrooms in Rustic Cabin

Reunited Cuckoo-Clock Figurines: Metaphor

• during the final separate but connecting-bedrooms scene in the cabin, the door between their rooms had a weakened and faulty latch and kept opening (on their last night before the 90 day waiting period expired)
• at the film's final fade-out, there was a metaphoric, sexually-tinged, suggestive image of reunited, male and female cuckoo-clock figurines (stand-ins for Lucy and Jerry) entering the same opening, after the two had reconciled and realized "the awful truth" that they were irresistible to each other, and that they didn't want to marry anyone else